Balance

Chapter 68 ~ Strong

"It... it was... it was my fault." His voice cracks the words small and broken flow out like a whirlpool of restrained emotion. The words echoed in the hollowness that settles inside me. A single tear sears down his cheek, head dropping further to hide it. I brush it away with my thumb, struggling to pull back my own. "Atlas it's all my fault and I- I... I don't think I'm strong enough to do this anymore." His red-rimmed watery eyes lift to mine before his body shakes with sobs, crumbling before me. I try and catch his weight as the trembling body sinks to the mats but end up falling with him, pulling him closer into me and letting him cry. His hands are still balled tight in my chest, his wet eyes leaking onto my shirt. There's nothing I can say right now to make him feel better, not when he's like this, so I just let him cry.

The gym is silent, the echo of the bag long forgotten as Blaze's sobs breakthrough, muffled slightly by my arms. I've seen Blaze angry, I've seen him upset but I've never seen him this distraught. His resolve is breaking, cracking into pieces after holding it up for so long.

"You are strong enough, look how far you've come on your own. Sometimes you just need a good cry and that's okay Blaze." I murmur into his ear as his breathing begins to slow slightly.

"I don't think anyone understands Atlas. They just see the anger, they think just because I'm angry I don't hurt. Well, I fucking hurt. I really fucking hurt and I'm fed up of pretending it don't." He slumps further into me so I hold on tighter, or as tight as my small arms can muster.

"It's okay, I know you hurt. You'd be a sociopath if you didn't."

"I feel like you're the only good stable thing in my life and... and I'm scared I'm going to drive you away with all this shit. You've been living a nightmare and I'm dragging you back into one." He finally sits up, putting a concerning distance between us.

"Blaze, you're the only one who believes that. I'm not going anywhere. We do this together, you don't feel strong enough... well here, have the minuscule amount of strength I have." I lift up my arm, flexing the little bicep I have. Blaze chuckles lightly, that boyish grin adding some life back to his tear-streaked face.

"You have way more than just a minuscule amount of strength butterfly. More than you could ever know." He pokes my bicep before dragging me into his lap. His hands rest on my wrists, "I'm sorry." He mumbles, head dipping to stare at the mat, another tear leaking from his lashes. I place my thumb on his cheek to catch the droplet and tilt his face so I can look at him.

"Sorry for what."

"Everything. Crying like a girl. Being an asshole. Having a shitty father. All of it."

"Firstly Blazey, that was extremely sexist." I shoot him a glare, "Crying is okay, boys and girls alike, in fact, it's good you're finally letting all this out. Sometimes it's just needed and unavoidable. Cry all you want, I'll never judge you for that, ever. Secondly, none of what you mentioned is your fault.... Well except the asshole bit but you're never an asshole to me... so we can still rule that out." He chuckles lightly, clutching my hand and playing with the tips of my fingers. "You need to stop blaming yourself for things that aren't in your control and things that happened in the past. Stop putting everyone else's burden on yourself. He won't get away with this Blaze, the law is already onto him and we'll sort this." I cup his cheek as he nods very slightly. Unsure of the outcome of my next statement I take hold of his hand, "I need you to hear me out on this and be open-minded okay?" He looks sceptical but nods. "I think it'd be really good if you spoke to someone."

"But I'm speaking to you, you help me with these things." He says panicked.

"I know and I'm so grateful you open up to me and trust me enough to talk to but I think it might help you to talk to someone professional about this, someone who might understand better. I know you said before you hated it and it didn't help but maybe that's because you were forced to go and you weren't in the right mindset. I'm asking you if you'd consider going. I won't force you and if you still hate it you can stop but will you at least consider it."