Knee Pads

15 | pivot

          Silence fell in my bedroom, with everyone feeling too awkward to speak up, and I sighed in frustration, walking towards my desk to dump my bag and bike helmet, which I quickly remembered didn't actually belong to me. Kat, obviously, noticed it, and her eyebrows perked up at the sight of the object, but she didn't dare say a word about it with Theo sitting right there.

          "I could have given you a ride, you know," Kat eventually said. She didn't sound hurt in the slightest, so I knew she wasn't doing it to start drama or anything remotely similar, but she also knew I liked Corinne. I wasn't sure if Theo had told her anything about the true nature of our relationship back in California, but I didn't want to take any chances.

          "Corinne didn't mind," I explained. "She'd been there before, when I first needed a ride there, so it just made sense to ask her for help."

          Katrina frowned. "I really wish you'd tell me where you keep going. What if something bad happens and I have no idea where you are?"

          "Well, Corinne was there. So were my parents."

          "Oh, were you with Jordan?" Theo asked.

          I froze right where I was, dropping a textbook in the process. Though I knew she hadn't said that out of malice, as she probably didn't even know Kat didn't know about Jordan and everything that entailed, it wasn't her story to tell. It was hardly even mine, if we were being honest, but, since I was involved in Jordan's recovery and therapeutic journey, I reserved the right to choose who I wanted to talk to about it.

          If Kat needed to know, it should have never been like this. It should have been on my own terms, under the circumstances I'd chosen, and never as a hot piece of gossip or a way to remind her who the real friend was.

          The point was that they were different people, who had met me at very different points in my life and were involved in it in different ways. It wouldn't be fair to treat them equally, but I also couldn't turn a blind eye to what Theo had just done.

          "Who's Jordan?" Kat questioned, warily. She'd noticed a shift in my attitude and posture; had I not reacted the way I had, she wouldn't have paid much attention. Hell, maybe she would have even cracked a joke or two about Corinne driving me around just so I could get to a booty call faster than I would through public transportation or an Uber.

          "No one," Theo quickly said, as soon as she realized Kat didn't know a thing, but it was too late.

          "Jordan is my older brother," I replied, through gritted teeth. "Yes, I went to see him."

          "How is he?"

          "Sober. It's too early to tell."

          "I'm gonna go and let you two catch up," Kat said, rising from her bed, and I turned around. "I don't want you to feel the need to speak in code just because I'm here. It's clear you have a lot to catch up on."

          "Don't leave," I asked—almost begged—her. "You can stay. This is your room."

          She shrugged. "It's fine. I'll go hang out with Corinne, or something, and you can have all the privacy you need to talk about . . . whatever you want to talk about."

          After she left, softly closing the door behind her, I couldn't help but feel guilty over it. I knew she was hurt that I wouldn't open up to her, believing that was due to my lack of trust and faith in her, and I was quite tired of explaining myself and reminding her it wasn't about me trusting her or not. I was almost certain she thought Corinne was in on it just because she drove me around, which hurt her a lot more than me simply not opening my mouth about it to anyone.