TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

Sir This Is A McDonald's Drive-Thru

"Move."

"I've already moved."

"Move more."

"I can't."

"Yes," Tommy scowls, "You can."

Ranboob stares back at him, frowning.

"If I move anymore I'll fall off," The beanstalk complains.

Tommy stares. "Ok?"

"I'm not moving."

Tommy doesn't like this confidence. This slenderman looking bitch is getting too comfortable in his house.

"Fine," Tommy shrugs.

Ranboob nods, turning back to the television.

Tommy watches him out of the corner of his eye, slyly sticking his hand in his hoodie.

He pulls out his gun, armed and ready, and shoots the bitch right in the side.

Ranboob screams, falling off the couch.

"Tommy!" Tubbo shouts from the kitchen.

_____

"Stop shooting him or I'm confiscating every gun you own," Tubbo warns.

Tommy scowls, eyes averted. "I don't know why he's still crying."

" Tommy."

"Okay, okay," He rolls his eyes. "I won't shoot him for a while. Imagine being that weak. It's just a dart."

"Not everyone has some weird fucking main character plot armour you dick," Tubbo slaps him upside the head.

Tommy frowns, "What?"

Tubbo stares, "What?"

Tommy squints, "...Nothing."

"Okay anyways, there's some pasta in the fridge for lunch."

Tommy groans, "Is that all we eat? Is this our lives now? It's all that fucking bitch boy's fault. I'm sick and tired of pasta. Not poggers."

"Tommy you'd eat those birthday cake breakfast bars for every meal, every day, if I let you."

"And?" Tommy frowns, confused. "There's nothing wrong with that. Have you read the label? 'Energy for the whole day, the only snack you need.'"

Tubbo shakes his head, "There's no saving you."

Tommy furrows his brows, offended. "I am not in need of saving. In fact, I'm the opposite. I do the saving. I am the saver. The saver of savers. I save those who need saving. Saving is my career."

"Yeah, I'm leaving," Tubbo says, walking out of the bedroom.

____

" Clementine, I'm not having this argument again," Tommy scowls.

Clementine stares up at him before turning away.

"This attitude is unacceptable. Ever since you've been in this fucking bottle you've turned into a heathen," He sighs, head in hands.

"No Clementine, that is a bad idea. Why do you only have bad ideas? Are you trying to intentionally sabotage me? Are you trying to sabotage your father?"

Clementine blows a bubble.

Tommy gasps, hand on heart. "How dare you? I - I can't believe you would say that."