running [h.s]

two

September 27, 2014
2:39 A.M
Today you told me that you loved me. We were cuddled up on your bed with a bottle of whiskey when you said it. I told you that you were drunk and to get some sleep. You sat up and turned towards me. The look in your eyes was indescribable. It was a mixture between sadness and adoration. "Zahara, I love you." You said again. Your face was set stern and your jaw was slightly flexed. "No matter how much alcohol I drink, I can't seem to get your name off of the tip of my tongue. My thoughts can not move an inch without bumping into some piece of you. I love you." My stomach was twisted in knots. I believe you, Harry. I truly do. Soon you were dozing off and I was tracing designs on your skin with my fingertips. I whispered, "I love you too", against your neck, and I swear I could feel you smile. My heart is still pounding from your words. I feel light, oh so light. Usually there is a heavy weight on me, it's hard to smile. But you, damn, I feel like a cloud floating through the beautiful blue sky. I love you, Harry. So, so much. Never leave me please.

I close my journal before I could read anything else. Looking back at my old entries only make me more sad. Maybe I deserve this sadness.

Oh, my beautiful Harry. Why did you leave? You left me all alone in this big scary world. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be with you.

I'm only getting worse. I'm so, so tired, Harry. When will it all be over? I'm tired of running. Everywhere I look you're there. The tree's leaves match your sad green eyes. There's no escaping.

I am so envious of people with genuine smiles on their faces. They are so happy and carefree. Could we have been like that? Happy and carefree? You ruined the chance for me to find out, but I don't really mind. We were disaster built from flesh and bone.

But Harry, I'm tired of trying. I need you. My throat feels like it's being squeezed and everything is blurry. I used to feel like a cloud, and now I feel like a ship being anchored down. Please come back.