Home. (L.N.)

26. Doubts

"Do you want to keep this?" Mase points at a pile of clothes on the floor. My move is just two weeks away and this place is a mess. Boxes are everywhere, clothings flying around. I sold quite a lot of furniture already which made the flat weird and empty. There are boxes with stuff for my sister, and for Laurie. She was obsessed with some decoration items I owned so I will gift them to her. I look closely at the clothes. "No these are the ones for the shelter. Oh wait there is my favorite jeans jacket." I want to go over to him but trip over a box with candles. The men who helped me a lot over the last week grabs my arm so I don't fall. "This is a mess."he laughs out and let his eyes fly over the apartment. He is absolutely right and I appreciate it so much that he spends his free day sorting out my stuff with me. We spend a lot of time together when we got back from the trip. We cooked together, watched movies, had long walks with Frida and organized everything for the moving day. Some boxes with memories, decorations and stuff I don't want to let go are already on the way to Daniel's place. Today we want to sent the rest. Maybe just one or two boxes. It's awfully expensive. All my clothes are coming with me in suitcases on this journey. "These candles are for your sister,no?" Mase points at the box that could've caused a few broken bones just a few seconds ago. "Yes Liv will come around in an hour or so. I shall get the rest ready so she doesn't need to come back again." I rush through my hair. It's mad how much stuff I actually own. Over the years of traveling and living alone I didn't realize the amount but when we started sorting and organizing I discovered so much stuff I already forgot about." I think she wants to see you before you leave anyway Anna" I look at him. He leans with his shoulder against the doorframe to the living area. His black shorts are a bit Grey from all the dust but his white shirt is as bright as his teeth. "Maybe, we will surely discuss it later. There is so much to do." I sit down on the floor and begin to sort the clothes. A pile for what I want to keep, what to donate and what Liv might want. "Do you still want to come to the game next week?" "Sure Mason. I promised you I will come." "Yeah. But do you want to?" I fold a blue blouse with white details and put it on the pile for my sister before turning towards him. "What are you referring to?" I am slightly annoyed that he thinks I didn't care or whatever. Since our little fight I tried so incredibly hard to move forward and with Lando taken or whatever it was actually easier. "You are busy with the move." "That doesn't mean I don't want to come to support you." "I am just saying." "Saying what?" I turned away again but couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. Why can't he just speak out his bloody problem. "Well you spend your last weekend that you could be in London in Belgium for a race. The stadium doesn't seem to be that exciting to you." Breath in, breath out. There it was. It bothered him since the day I told him I would attend Spa. He never said it out loud but there we finally go." Mason, if it would be any other race I would stay here. But it's Spa. And this one is hard for some of my friends because they actually lost someone there. And I was there as well when it happened. I would never ever miss this race. It would be disrespectful to everyone if I would spend my day with you at a game when others are remembering. And I can garantie you, I wouldn't be fun around at all." I fold a pair of old jeans and but it in the donation pile." Why do you give me that attitude?"" Because I am annoyed that you didn't said something earlier. I know that you think I should stay here that weekend."" But does it change anything, now that I told you about my thoughts?""No", I turn around just to see how he throws his hands in the air frustrated. "Then where is the point?" "It's called communication Mason" I say with the sweetest smile I own. But I meant it ironic and he does know it. "Let's not fight please" he says rubbing his forehead as he has a headache. "Don't you think we should talk about these things?" It's frustrating me. We could talk about so much but not what we feel for each other or think about each other. It's mad and causes quite a friction between us. Him trying to avoid this conversation is absolutely what I thought would happen."No, it's just makes the mood bad. We should have fun as long as you are here." "Well I am not here to just have a good time Mason. I want us to work and for that we need to talk about stuff that's bothering us. So please just speak your mind." He sits down on my bed close to me while I give him my full attention. "I have the feeling you are choosing yourself over me." "Of course I do. And you should too. We are not a couple even if we say we're working things out. Nevertheless I will never put another person first, I am here to make my life the best it can be." His yaw clinches and his eyes grow cold. He was definitely not happy with what I was saying which make my belly turn a bit."So you wouldn't put Lando first?" My heart frozes like back in Silverstone. This confrontation is like poison to my happiness. I get up on my feet and walk past him towards the living room. "I am not doing this again." I mumble while I close up a Box full of stuff for Monaco. It's filled with photo books and little things I will take with me. He stands close behind me, I can feel if but give no attention to it while I put Daniels Adresse on the box, which is also mine in just a couple of days. "Sorry" I hear him whisper. If this relationship should work out in the future he definitely needs to stop bringing up Lando.