It started with a break up

Chapter 2

After I got to bed, instead of just going to bed, I spent the next 2 hours talking to Bernard through texts. He was good company. I liked that he finally opened his heart to me. I could never put my finger around what exactly was going on inside his mind, but now I felt like I knew everything I needed to know to understand him.

You see, he was always a tad bit aggressive towards me. This summer, after I came back from a trip, he presented me and my friends to his best friend, Daniel. I hated Daniel from the very start, just how I hated Bernard. I came to accept both of them because of my friends. One night while we were out on a walk in a park near the forests, we got in a heated argument that started as a joke. By the end of the argument, he had laid hands on me, pushing me so hard, the poor bastard made me fall on the ground and get a whole bunch of black bruises on my belly and thighs. Daniel pulled me away and walked me home that night, that's how I came to consider acknowledging his feelings for me.

Of course, in 2 hours of texting Bernard poured his heart to me. For the past 2 months we grew closer than ever. It was all because of Ron moving into our crappy town, we hung out at Ron's every day. Talking about everything and anything, playing games. Daniel breaking up with me for a week now I decided to play along with Denise's wishes and joined the couple games. Even though me and Bernard weren't a couple, we played along because Denise often got bored very quickly so we didn't have to force ourselves to do any romantic stuff. Even so, after just one week of a different type of interaction things got better between me and Bernard. It was as if he was the best friend I always wanted and needed. Somehow we had the same hopes and dreams, the same ideas for the future and the present and we were on the same page when it came to memes and dark humour.

'I will be the last one to say goodnight to you for this night, this should be the goodnight that counts as well ;)' He texted me after I stated the fact that I was too tired to continue our late-night chit-chat.

I knew it was just banter, but I would have never expected him to pull such a flirty line on me. I loved the energy. It felt good. For a girl with a broken heart, the attention of a man is like drugs: addictive and short termed. If it's not enough or hard enough you go for a different drug to make you feel that spark, and lord knows I was a poor consumer, ready to overdose.

The next morning Bernard and I agreed to walk to school together. It was nice to have some company on the way to school, especially now. I was stressed and miserable. Suicide crossed my mind quite a few times, but I grew to live with that. I thought it was just a mundane thought that all humans struggled with, that's why I decided to pay it no mind. I did give in to the urges. I tried to kill myself right after my 18th birthday. Got caught by a guard, lucky me. In such a bad mental state it is advised to have company and surround myself with friends and family. Bernard was my little experiment. I wanted to see for how much longer his actions could pump this little serotonin into me.

On the way to high school, I told him to let me hold his hand because my hands were freezing. He did not protest. We walked into high school hand in hand, people noticing us. It was a thrill that I got because of my hyperactive brain, I was on the look for something exciting after feeling my heart broken in halves. People noticing me, a multifunctional weird, yet acknowledged girl, with a popular boy. Oh man, was I living the fanfiction dream of my life!

Once inside the high school grounds, I let go and went my way, saying a 'bye' in a rush. I stirred enough attention for one day. Bernard was confused. To be honest, so was I, a confused girl. Cruel of me to take advantage of his kindness, but he didn't seem to mind it. He knew me by now, he knew how I get when it comes to people minding my business, he didn't know I secretly enjoyed it quite a bit, but he knew how it affected my mental health. I was grateful to have him as a friend, he was better than my best friend at showing me that people care about me.