All I Wanted Was You

Seventeen

Josh's POV 

The first person I talked to the next day was not Hayley. Weird? Oh yeah. In fact, it was so unusual that even HE couldn't believe it. 

"Yo, Ramsay!" Jack greeted enthusiastically, his smile in contrast with my everlasting frown. "What the hell are you doing here so early...? Aren't you supposed to be making out with your girlfriend by now?" He checked his watch to emphasize his words. 

"Yeah, I'm supposed to... But I think I'm gonna break the rules just this once. I need your help, man." 

He raised his eyebrows. "MY help? But what could I possibly do that you can't? You know, last time Hayley asked me to help her, I only made things worse between you guys." 

I groaned, annoyed. "Listen, instead of trying to explain how much you can't help me, maybe you should just listen to me." 

"Alright, alright!" He raised his hands innocently. "I'm listening." 

I took a deep breath. It was better to keep my cool for now. Actually, it was better to keep my cool forever. "I'm moving back to Canada, man," I stated bluntly. 

"YOU'RE MOVING BA-" I covered his mouth with my hand before he could finish. 

"Shut up! I'd like it if the whole school didn't find out right now!" 

"Sorry," he muttered from under my hand. I sighed and let it fall back to my side.  

"I don't know how to tell Hayley," I continued. 

"Oh no," he said before I could say anything else. "You don't want me to tell her instead, do you? Because I'm not doing that. Uh, uh. Forget it. I'd rather dance around the school in a pink dress singing I Will Survive." 

I chuckled. "I'd like to see that! But I'm not asking you to tell her, I just want you..." Ugh, this was too emotional for me. "I just want you to be there for her when I won't, ok?" The last words were only a whisper. I was ashamed to admit it to myself, but my eyes were watering again and a painful knot was hanging in my throat. 

Jack had put on a serious expression. He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I can do that." After a second, he added, "I'm sorry, man. It's a real shame."  

"Yeah." It was all I could say without bursting in tears. I left quickly and headed towards Hayley's locker. I had my speech ready. I just hoped her reaction wouldn't be TOO wet or I would start crying too, and I wasn't planning on doing that in a crowded public building.  

Pretty soon, she came into sight. I waved at her, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking down sadly, leaning on her closed locker with crossed arms. Weird. I walked up to her cautiously but as soon as she saw me, she turned her back to me quickly without another glance. What the fuck? Well, of all the scenarios I'd come up with the previous night, this wasn't one of them. I hadn't expected her to ALREADY be in a bad mood before I even talked to her. 

I was only a few feet away from her now. She was still standing motionless with her back to me, hugging herself. I didn't dare touch her. "Hayles?" She didn't respond. "What's wrong?" I couldn't take this anymore. My vision was dangerously blurry.  

Suddenly, she started shaking slightly. Oh no. I sucked at comforting people. I just wanted to stand there and cry with her.  

But I didn't understand! What was wrong with her? I finally pushed myself forward and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, resting my head of her shoulder. Woo, it was a long way down! Not funny. I kissed her wet cheek, glad that she didn't push me away, and tried to keep my own tears from flowing. Tried.  

"What's wrong, Hayles?" I whispered again. At first she didn't respond, and then she spun around in my arms abruptly and hugged me tightly. Very tightly. Ouch.  

"I'm so sorry, Josh!" she mumbled against my shoulder. What? Why was SHE sorry? I rubbed her back slowly, completely confused. Finally, she pushed me away gently and wiped her eyes and nose. "I'm sorry," she said again. She sniffled and let out a rough laugh. "You must be so confused." You bet. She sighed. "Where do I start? You know when I went to the principal's office yesterday?" I nodded. Oh... so that's what it was about. "He called me because..." She paused. "... because..." 

Because what!? I took her hands and squeezed them encouragingly. "Take your time, Hayles." No, Hayles, don't take your time. Just tell me already! 

"Because I failed half my classes!" she finally blurted out. Oh. Aw, well that sucked. I was glad that was it though, at least nobody had died! "But that's not all," Hayley warned in front of my relieved expression. Uh oh. "My mom and the principal both agreed I should be homeschooled starting... starting two weeks from now!" And she was in tears again, shaken by a new wave of violent sobs. 

It took a second for her words to sink in. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to react. Two weeks... No, it couldn't be. I had already forced myself to get used to the idea that I would probably never see her again in a few months, but not two weeks! I couldn't... It just wasn't... 

"I'm so stupid!" Hayley yelled between two sobs. I looked down at her sadly and took her in my arms again.  

"No, you're not," I said honestly. She truly wasn't. I didn't understand how she could possibly have failed anything. I felt like a selfish idiot. I should've helped her, not distract her with my stupid problems. Somehow, I managed to convince myself that this was all my fault. I hated myself. 

Hayley's POV 

I hated myself. I was the most stupid person in the world. I had ruined everything. EVERYTHING. I couldn't stop those stupid sobs from shaking me. It was almost painful. Josh held me patiently, pressing his lips against the top of my head. I loved that, the feeling of his warm arms around me, the sound of his heartbeat under my ear... 

I felt better all of a sudden. The sobs dimmed and I could almost breathe normally again. I wanted to stay there forever. I never wanted him to let go of me.  

"Better?" he asked softly. 

I nodded half-heartedly, knowing he would most likely interrupt the hug now. But he didn't. He didn't move, hugging me almost desperately. Which was understandable, considering our seconds were being counted. 

"I'm sorry," I said yet again. I wanted it to make me feel less guilty, maybe just a LITTLE less, but it didn't work. I felt terrible before I said it and I felt just as terrible after I said it.  

"It's ok," Josh said, finally letting go of me to look me in the eyes. "It's not your fault." Of course he would say that. But he was wrong. It WAS my fault.  

I looked down. "Yes it-" 

"Oh, shut up, Sponge Bob," he interrupted. I smiled a little and looked back up at him. He was smiling, but a stray tear was rolling down his cheek. He wiped it off quickly-almost shamefully-and cleared his throat. "Um... there was something I wanted to tell you as well." Oh, yay! Anything to get my mind off the problem that was tugging at my mind since the previous morning. He hesitated, looking very ill at ease. "It's just that uh... Heh." Yes...? "Well, actually, it's not important. Nevermind." 

I frowned. "Aw, come on, Joshie! Tell me!" 

He avoided my insistent stare. "Nah, it's nothing, really!" It was definitely not nothing. I could tell.  

"No it's not! Are you scared I'll be upset?" He bit his lip. Bingo. 

"I shouldn't have said anything," he muttered. "Shit." The stupid bell chose just that moment to ring, and Josh took it as an excuse to leave without explaining. He hugged me one last time but I didn't hug him back, crossing my arms angrily.  

As soon as he was gone though, I regretted it. I shouldn't be angry. Not now. I should enjoy every single moment I spent with him, because I wouldn't have many. I felt like crying again. Now that he was gone, I felt so alone, so lost... 

Oh man, what would I do when he would be gone for good?