𝘉𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘋𝘚𝘐𝘋𝘌𝘋 | 𝘈.𝘏. ✔️

• Twenty

"You know what Hotch, I don't know why you're being the way you are, why you suddenly push me away, but if you don't want me in the investigation— fine! I'll leave you alone about it."

Suddenly he turns to you but the bare of his eyes is too much to handle as you turn away. "I know what I said Y/N but we can't continue the way we are going. Strauss is becoming curious and with a non-agent holding confidential information, it's too risky."

You exhale a shakily, angered breath, "The information isn't confidential if I already know about it!" you whisper screamed, teeth clenched.

"Protocol is protocol," Hotch says.

"Of course it's about protocol now!" you fumed, "Even when I was working with the team it always come down to protocol when you were too scared to do something."

"That isn't true."

"Oh, but it is. You decided to take this upon yourself, Aaron," the sound of his name causes a thick inhale, "I could've left it alone."

"You don't understand," he says breathlessly, glancing at the children every few seconds.

"You're right, I don't," you say, walking over to him to obstruct his view, forcing his eyes to glance over your face. "What is it you're protecting me from?"

Faint lines appear between his eyebrows as he pulls them together in contemplation. Knots form in your stomach as you wait for his answer. There was more than the surface you just scratched, more that is running through his brain yet he cannot convey through words. You want to be understanding but your own emotions of pain were clashing with the empathy you desired to feel for his reasoning.

"I'm protecting you from yourself," Hotch warned. "Believe I have your best interest."

"I don't understand," you plead helplessly, gripping his forearm, "You said you didn't want anymore secrets, don't make anymore,"

A callous hand comes to rest on yours, "You're blindsided by your own ambition."

"I find ambition in truth," you argue, "In what was done wrong!"

"You find ambition in praise," his says, voice becoming softer as he peels your hand away, "Not in the truth, no one finds ambition in truth— rather what others province of their character once they've found it."

You bite the inside of your cheek, disappointed in the factual words he speaks. "I want closure for myself, not others, let me have that."

As you speak so desperately to him, you feel an emotion so foreign you don't even want to come to terms with it. You've never felt it romantically. If anything, you felt more drawn to running away now. Aaron has honey pooling in his eyes that pull you in. How could he keep something from you, yet you find it conflicting.

"What you are searching for doesn't exist," he pried, "Y/N you have a false reality of what has happened. You will never see the world the same, no closure will be given to you."

"How do you know that!?"

Before he can answer, a little boy runs up to you two. Jack stands before you, he smells of dirt and sweat and you hold back a grimace at the smell. Jack nearly hyperventilates at how fast he is breathing with a sloppy smile on his face, grass marks on his shin guards and knees. It make you wonder if you really wanted kids or not. There wasn't anything actually wrong with kids but they have no respect for hygiene, that makes you shiver.

Than again, you can't blame them. They can barely provide for their basic needs, so you shrug it off. Hotch crouches down to his sons height, a sudden smile on his face. You can see through his transparent expression, remants of your heated argument shining past.