It Should Have Been Like This

Book Twenty-eight: change - laughter

   "Rylee, stop. Stop doing this to yourself. Listen to me," I grabbed her palms as she shook her head, "Ry, listen to me," I whispered, "you are not a bad person. You might be crazy, and completely insane, but everything dark about you is what keeps him tied. He would never leave or be disappointed. I know how you feel, I've been there. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was worried. Would I make a good mother? How could a foolish person like me mother a child? How would I feed it? How would I clothed it? Wouldn't it be better to abort or give it out for adoption? And then I had five! Rylee, you don't know how it felt. At least you know yours loves you, you know he would rather die than leave you. I didn't. To me, I was the rejected bitch, the homeless fool. Many things was enough to stop me then, but I didn't fall. You wanna know why? I made changes to my life to suit them. I might not have deserve to be a mother, but I worked hard to be the mother my children adore. I changed myself to be good enough for them."

   "Rylee, loving someone should be enough to make you want to change. If you think you are not good enough to be a mother, then make yourself good enough. If you think you are not good enough to be his wife, then make yourself good enough. You have lived this life for too long now. If you continue like this, you would look back in the future and see how you wasted it. You have money, your family has too. You are surrounded by people who do and loves you too. It's high time you start making changes to yourself so you live a life that you will never regret. If you decide to lose the pregnancy, you'll lose him too. Stop denying yourself the joy and happiness you deserve, Rylee, stop destroying yourself with your own hands. You are not alone, you should know that. Phineas would be here, I would be here and so will everyone else that loves you. You just need to decide what is better and more important to you, choose it and work towards achieving it, just like I did." Wow, spending time with my therapist have made me a motivational speaker. I should see her more often.

   "What if Phineas' parents never accept me?"

   "Make then accept you," I smirked, "and they don't really have a choice. It's either you or no one else. Now, get some sleep, do you want me or Rominic to stay with you?" She shyly pointed at Rominic. Of course she would pick him, they are inseparable when she's sad or when either of them are sick. I had done my part, now it was time for Rominic to say his without me being there. I kissed her forehead, wished both of them goodnight and went to the boys' room. I tiredly slip into Zachary's bed, huffing out a breath of exhaustion.

   "Mom? Mom? What's going on?" It was dark, very dark, so I couldn't exactly see his face or what he was doing. "Did you and dad fight or..."

   "No, something came up with your aunt, she cried so your father stayed with her. I don't want to sleep alone so here I am."

   "Will she be okay?"

   "Hopefully."

   "Can you tell me what it's all about?"

   "Tomorrow." I murmured drowsily. I felt him move into my chest and place his hand on my hip. Sighing softly, I finally got the sleep I deserve.

~~~

   Well, the next day was weird. It started with me waking up to see Serenity in my arms instead of Zach and Sera sleeping behind her. Then the muffled scream. Turns out Sera came to wake Zach up but saw us, decided to be mischievous and then involved Serene. They kidnapped Zach, tied his mouth, hands and feet with ducktape and then locked him in the closet. Zyaire would have stopped them but he was paying Zach back for messing with his high score and Zayne was still a log of wood on his bed. And even if he's not, he wouldn't be able to help.

I can't believe I didn't wake up.

   After that, I scolded them and made them apologize to their brother before going to take a bath. When I returned, Sera was tied on a table, a intentionally made dirty table with a wet stinky rag tied around her forehead. Zach did it. He knew dirt was the only way to break his sister and he succeeded because she was crying profusely with no means of screaming as her mouth was tied. Serenity's punishment was a kiss and a warning never to release Sera because Zach can't really hurt his angel. After scolding them again, I went downstairs to see Kara sobbing and stuffing her face with ice cream while Serenity and Jewels emotionally "supported" her by stuffing their faces too. Kara had an argument with Jamie and he made a angry comment about marrying a second wife.