A Girl in Red

33| WEDDING DAY

"Chessy, count to thirty after Brooklyn walks out, okay?" Bea interrupts.

"Got it." I nod as Bea steps forward and begins walking down the aisle.

Brooklyn starts mouthing down a number, I can see her reflection in the mirror, and I try to focus on my breathing before she turns to me and winks, "Don't trip."

"Why would you put that in my head?" I hiss as they step outside.

I count to thirty and suck in a deep breath and then I step into the sunlight and begin my descent down the aisle. I can hear the world around me quiet as my heart beat pounds in my ears. I wonder if one can be driven crazy from just the sound of their heart beat in their ears. I hated this anxiety, but it sat upon my head and weighed against my chest and shoulders. I make it around the bend of the aisle and the sounds of a thousand aws and sounds of pure adoration and wonderment explodes around me around the music. I can only smile and force myself to look straight forward.

We practiced this, I know exactly how and what to do and yet it feels like I've fallen out of practice with my own body. It is doing and displaying a completely different thing and person than the war of nerves bouncing around inside like a crack addict. Everyone is standing and smiling around me and I know my own charming grin is shining back at them but god did I want to fly to Vegas and elope somewhere instead of do all of this. I never wanted a wedding, a part of me is realizing it was never because I didn't want to marry anyone but rather because showcasing my love wasn't what I necessarily wanted. I wanted to control how people see me and this was impossible right now. I turn towards the alter and my breathing instantly ceases in that very moment.

My Angel.

Have you ever seen warm sunlight filter through rose colored glass and fill the room up with a rainbow of glimmering sunshine? All you can do is soak in the warmth and marvel out how sunshine can be even more beautiful than it already is. I hope you get the chance to see that wonderment. I truly hope you do because then you will understand a fraction of how I felt in that very moment. Just a fraction.

Her layered lacy dress sparkled like rippling light in the dying sun as her long veil followed behind her like a river of lace; the edges of the veil was adorned with red stitching that added a flare to the simplicity of the veil. As she moved forward I could see the slit of her dress displaying her leg and I smiled at how cheeky she was being. I especially liked the dress sleeves that were loose and lacy that resembled wings. She looked absolutely stunning.

I see her eyes widen at the sight of me and I hope she's thinking the same thing that I am: that my world and heart can be found in her. The end of the song is close and I realize how close Alana and I are, three meters away but it feels like inches and all I want to do is run to her and pull her into my arms. I reframe from doing so and instead we meet at the altar as the song comes to an end. Another song starts but it fades to the background, it's barely noticeable, as it's going to be played through the entire ceremony.

"Hi," I whisper, "You look stunning, Angel."

Alana dazzles me with her smile and she reaches out for my hand, I take her hand instantly, each of us holding a bouquet and one our hands. It feels perfect. "You don't look so shabby yourself, beautiful."

My cousin Marie winks at me and does a little shimmy excitedly as she clears her throat. "You may all sit."

The crowd sits. I finally notice the world around us. My six stand behind me and Alana's beside her. Brooklyn is my best man so I make a mental note that she is in possession of my ring. I hoped she liked her new ring, we both hadn't seen our rings and I was very nervous about that. My finger was itching to replace the engagement ring.