Artificial Willpower

Sorry

Yancy's eyebrows furrowed as he thought. there was no pain. But he felt the words fall out of his mouth but not voluntarily. Not that he fought it " Yah. Nothin new"

The young blond doctor nodded, and scribbled something down. After a moment he said, quite casually " do you feel any guilt?"

Yancy felt like a sledge hammer hit his chest. Yancy wished he could think he misheard Benjamin, but he knew he heard him loud and clear. He did feel guilt... but for what? He couldn't remember what was making him so uneasy. He looked into Benjamin's eyes and it got worse. Almost as if his lungs were squeezed.

Benjamin looked at him, patiently awaiting an answer.

Yancy tried to talk, but his mouth felt like cotton. Finally he could just choke out " Y...yah"

Benjamin's face went from the nervous innocence of a child, to flat, and cold. Yancy felt a chill.

" Good," Benjamin said darkly.

" W- wh..." Yancy found it harder to speak. He couldn't remember, until he saw a red stain forming on Benjamin's lab coat, near his shoulders, as though blood was dripping from his head.

Suddenly he wanted to forget, but he couldn't. All that filled his thoughts was that terrified look on Benjamin's face as he realized Yancy truly was a monster. The seconds before he died.

He whimpered " B-Ben I didn't m-mea-"

" Shut up. People don't make this kind of 'mistake' three times. You don't just 'accidentally' murder people, Daniel" he hissed

Yancy drew back, shocked and scared " I... I'm sorry..."

" 'Sorry' loses its meaning, when you keep hurting people" he spat. " You always say you regret it. That you'd take it back if you could. That was your chance. Someone's life, or yours... And as can only be expected from a monster... you saved yourself"

" Please- Ben, p-p-please..."

" You didn't even give me time to beg...'

Yancy felt the walls closing in. His body felt like lead. He was immobile. He couldn't form any words.

Benjamin scoffed " Are you scared?". He took a step forward and Yancy flinched. His fear was met with no sympathy. Benjamin just laughed " I was scared too. You scared me."

Yancy wished he could argue. He wished he had any sort of defense.

But he didn't. He felt Benjamin was right. Even if he could find the words, there was nothing he could say.

" You're a monster... I was stupid to ever think otherwise.."

Yancy's eyes opened and he shot up, sobbing. He covered his mouth, trying not to be too loud. He could feel the metal of his face on his fingertips. He couldn't stop shaking. He was used to ones about his parents, but this was new and he didn't know how to handle it. He looked about the room. It was all so new. He felt like a parasite, or an intruder in this normal looking, peaceful seeming home.

It was a lovely cabin, with wonderful, fluffy mattresses and warm quilts. It was beautifully normal. Yancy didn't belong. He was a killer. He was a freak. He belonged in that cell, doomed to be killed.

He tried to quiet his sobs. He didn't want Illinois to hear him. He couldn't help the gasps of air between sobs. He pressed his hand tighter on his mouth, but it was too late.

Illinois came in, sweatpants and a loose tee on. Yancy could see him just fine in the dark with the night vision, but Illinois was squinting just a bit in the dark. Illinois looked a little tired, but not in an annoyed, or detached way.

" Hey bud, what's up?" He asked, casually, but gently.

" Just... a b-bad dream" Yancy managed out.

" Wanna tell me about it?"

Yancy's first instinct was to say no. That he was fine, and that Illinois should go back to bed. On the other hand... 10 years, he had hidden this. Maybe not this exact dream, but he had woken up in tears many times before.

He spent more nights then he could count, biting down on his blanket to muffle his sobs. He didn't want that anymore.

" Youse okay with listenin'...?"

" I wouldn't ask if I wasn't"

Yancy looked to the side as Illinois sat on the edge of his bed " That Doctor..." Yancy said softly

"I was in that cell and he came in... he asked me some questions until... until he grew angry." He wiped his human eye, realizing the mechanical one was dry. It made sense that the mechanics couldn't couldn't cry, so he wasn't surprised.

" He was harsh... but right..." Yancy said weakly. " I..." he cut himself off. He didn't want to spill his guts. He didn't want Illinois' pity. He was still a stranger, after all.

" Yance, I think this response proves you're not evil or bad. A malicious, cold hearted, evil person wouldn't be so upset over this. He'd just be a cut loss to them. A small price for what they wanted. I know you're fighting with yourself, about worth, and who you are and how you should define yourself. That's your battle. I can't fight that for you. I just know you aren't any sort of monster. A monster wouldn't cry over this"

Yancy stared down at his metal hand. He flexed it and heard the joints gliding along. He sighed weakly "I don't want to cry over this..."

" No one really wants to cry. No one wants to hurt. But hurting is human."

Yancy looked aside, still confused as to why the man was helping him. He helped him survive, and that was already more than Yancy could ask... but here was this man he had never met before tonight, not only saving his life, but comforting him. He felt gratitude fill his chest. Did his motive really matter? He was genuine, and that was all Yancy needed.

He nodded softly, wiping his eye, and calming himself. " Thanks...'' he said softly.

" Sure thing" Said Illinois lightly, getting up. "Get some rest. You're safe here." 

Yancy knew he was right. For the first time in years, If only for a second, he felt safe.