Bluebird

12

"What do you mean?" 

"So like in 1979, Stevie found out she was pregnant. Don Henley told her he didn't want the baby and she called me right after she set up an abortion, because she was scared, and she kinda wanted that baby but she knew she couldn't do it by herself. I offered to help her raise the kid, but she turned me down and then we fucked. In 1981, Stevie's best friend died. She called me we ended up having sex. In 1983, I got in a car accident and had to pay for my girl friend at the time to get reconstructive surgery. I caught her cheating on me with her plastic surgeon, I called Stevie and we had sex. In 1986, April...she called me because she had just broken up with Joe Walsh, but he was opening up for her on the Rock a Little tour. She felt like she couldn't fire him and he refused to back out. She called me and we had sex." 

"But I was born in November, so I would've had to have been conceived in March." 

"Let me finish my story." He urges.

"Okay." She holds her hands up and falls back into the cushions.

"She called me in May and told me she was pregnant. So, we scheduled an abortion. I went with her, because I am more of a man than Don Henley is. She was laid on the table, her legs were in the stirrups. I was holding her hand, what they do...or did...I don't know if the times have changed or not, is they numb the cervix and then they put a gas mask over the woman's face. She had just been given the injection in her cervix and she started to cry. I was assuming it hurt her, which it honestly probably did, but as soon as they approached her with the mask she shot up and started shaking her head. She couldn't do it. She couldn't have the abortion. I didn't ask questions, I just helped her get dressed and we left. As I was driving away she told me that she couldn't do it and that she really wanted to have that baby, you...she really wanted to have you. So upon her doctor's urging, I went on tour with her, watched her kept he safe. Kept you safe. But your mother had a very heavy cocaine addiction. No one knew what cocaine could do to a person. In the 70s and 80s it was always do it because it's recreational, it makes you feel good and gives you some energy. We didn't know the health problems it causes, and we certainly didn't know what it could do to a baby and your mother never told anyone about her addiction. We all knew about it, but she didn't broadcast it to the world. She had never over dosed so it wasn't in her medical charts. No one knew she was doing the drug. She went into labor at about 34 weeks along and she freaked out because she knew she wasn't full term and she was so scared that something was going to be wrong with you. You were supposed to come on Christmas. But you came on November 15th. About 40 days too early. I was there when you were born. Your mother and I were so happy that we had a baby. So happy and when she found out it was a little girl she was so excited because she had always wanted a little girl. But you were so angry. So absolutely angry. Every little thing set you off and you screamed so much you were losing your little voice." 

"I was addicted to cocaine wasn't I?" she asks biting her lip. 

"Yeah you were...they took your blood. No one told us that they were going to take your blood they just did it without our approval and they tested you and they found traces of cocaine in your blood. So they took your mom's blood. She had so much cocaine in her system that she was one more bump away from an overdose. But I couldn't understand that, because she hadn't taken any cocaine since she had gone into labor and she was in labor for about two days.  But they looked at me and asked if I could pass a drug test. I thought I could. I only ever did quualudes once in 1979. Other than that, I simply just smoked some pot, and I hadn't smoked in about three days. But marijuana can stay in your urine for a week. I didn't know that though, I really thought I could pass it. So right in your mom's hospital room, I took the drug test and we watched them with the test strips and I tested positive. The doctor nodded and walked out of the room. Stevie just looked at me  because we didn't know what was going to happen. You started crying because you were hungry so Stevie started breast feeding you and she was so happy. Talking to you while you ate, rubbing your little head. She loved you so much Annabel. So much. She named you Annabel after her favorite poem by Edgar Allan Poe..."

"Annabel Lee, it's my favorite too." She smiles sheepishly.

"Yeah, Annabel Lee, and your middle name was her grandmother's name. Alice...but ten minutes later, you were still eating happily, a social worker came in and literally plucked you off of her breast. Like you were suckling and she physically yanked you from your mom's arms. Stevie's breast started leaking and you were screaming, breast milk still evident on your tongue. Your mom started freaking out and crying. 'Give me my baby, why did you take my baby.' And that's when the doctor told us that you were addicted to cocaine and because we both failed a drug test we weren't allowed to keep you. The social worker told us that if we both got clean and sober and could pass two drug tests we could apply for reunification. So your mom checked into Betty Ford and I got rid of my stash. When we applied for reunification we were told that the California system was out of room, and they sent you to a different system. When you crossed state boarders they couldn't track you anymore. And Stevie and I talked about this for years. Suing the social worker and the hospital, but we didn't. I don't know why we didn't but we didn't. And we've regretted it since." He pulls out his wallet and holds the picture out to her. 

"Is that me?" She asks.

"Yeah, I took it with your mom's polaroid camera. That was right after your were born. They gave her an episiotomy because you were so small and you weren't ascending down so they had to stick their hand up there to fish you out and it was easier to cut her to do that so you're covered in her blood but you were so fucking cute I couldn't resist it." 

"So you didn't willingly give me up?" 

"No baby, we didn't willingly give you up. That night Stevie cried herself to sleep and I was no better." 

"But I was the push she needed to get off the cocaine." 

"Yeah you were." He nods.

"I don't want to meet her. Not yet." 

"I haven't told her I found you." He replies. 

"Can I stay her tonight? I'm exhausted and this couch is so comfy. And I'm off tomorrow so I have nowhere to be." 

"I don't care." Lindsey smiles. 

"Good, get me a blanket." 

"Would you like a shirt or something to sleep in?" 

"Yes please." She beams.

He just chuckles and stands up going into the room that was most likely his bedroom.