Thereafter

Chapter 20

     "I understand" he says, getting off the bed and leaves the room.

This past week I've been seeing a whole different side from Jesus, he is still the sweet amazing soft gentleman I met but you see it he's very co-dependant and insecure, which I don't understand because he is one very sexy man. He also gets triggered easily. The littlest things get him mad, but it's nothing too serious. Everyone has their defaults... Look at me, I'm far from perfect.

I get up and I go look for him. I walk around the house, look into rooms and he's nowhere to be found. I take my phone and call him, no answer. I text him, no reply. Where did he go? I go back to his room and wait.

After 2 hours of waiting, I get up, grab my bag and leave. I lock the front door with the spare key under one of the rocks. His car isn't here. He really left.... what an asshole.... Why did he leave me here? I walk to my house, when I get in the driveway, I notice Jesus's car is here. Why is he here? I go in and walk up to my room, put my bag down. There's a knock on my door and my door opens. It's my grandmother.

     "I'm glad you're back, sugar pie" she says, hugging me.
     "Me too! I'm sorry I left.. I wasn't ready to see father" I say, hugging her back.
     "It ok, I understand! If I were In your shoes, I would probably feel the same way" she says.
     "Thank you for understanding! I missed you" I say while taking out my school clothes from my bag.
     "Here, give me those. I'll wash them and iron them! I missed you too sugar pie" she says, taking my school clothes.
     "Thank you" I thank her and sit at the edge of my bed.
     "So do you think you're ready to speak with your father, because if you're not, I'll make sure he doesn't bother you! Also, I made some changes.... I moved your father into the basement with Andy and it's only me, you and Ethan on this floor! Is that better for you!" She says, sitting down next to me.
     "Yes! That's fine! Thank you again!" I answer. I guess hearing that my dad is now living in the basement is actually some good news.
     "Good! How was school? How do you like it?" She asks.
     "Really good. I really like it, everyone's nice" I say truthfully.
     "I'm happy to hear! Alright, I'm going to let you rest" she says as she gets up.
     "Thank you again" I say as she's heading to the door.
     "No problem!" She says, closing the door behind her.

Before I came to live here, the lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, getting hit and yelling was normal to me. It has been my whole life, but since I've been living here, I saw that it's not.

A home is supposed to be loving, caring and a safe place. I love my dad to death and I'll never admit this to anyone but I miss him more than I've ever missed anyone, I would kill for him, but I'm learning to love myself day by day and what I deserve, now that I see the reality of it my parent weren't parents to me, they were abusive, they neglected me, they put my life in danger many times with strangers in our home, and now when I think of it, it only brings me pain because why wasn't I enough for them to stop and love me?

My mother was dying of cancer and she would rather drink and shoot herself with drugs to her death than to try to fight it to have a future with me. These thoughts is what convinced me to come see my father today because at least he's trying. He took a step bigger than my mother ever did... he went to rehab.

I get up, go in my closet and change my clothes, I put a yellow crop top with a black high waisted pair of jeans. I take a deep breath and make my way downstairs to go see my father. I get on the main floor, my heart is pounding and my knees feel weak, I don't know if I'm nervous or scared. I go in the kitchen to drink a glass of water before going into the basement.

I walk in the dinning room and I see Andy, Audrey, Ethan, Ashley and Jesus sitting at the dining table talking, but they didn't notice me. Why would Jesus leave me to come here to hangout.... Now I'm pissed! Jesus wants to play games. I can play them better! I take my glass of water from the kitchen, drink it and go back into the dining room.

     "Hi guys! Audrey, you look pretty today!" I say and she returns the compliment.
     "Ashley you look nice, I guess!" I say, throwing shade and she gives me a dirty look and whispers something in Ethan's ear.
     "Andy! I missed you. Sorry for not coming home for a week. I was spending some quality time with Jesus" I say and everyone looks at me and Jesus, my brother tells me he missed me too and that he gets it.
     "Ethan! I missed you too! Sorry I didn't answer. I was busy" I say, and he nods, giving me a small smile but I know it's fake.
     "You guys are so cute all coupled up! Andy and Audrey! Ethan and Ashley! Jesus and...... Oh wait, where's your girlfriend?" I ask staring at him with a serious face.
     "Not here-"He warns me.
     "Hahaha me and Ashley aren't together!" Ethan cuts Jesus off.
     "Might as well make it official. You guys are cute together and she obviously likes you and you keep keeping her around so.... Might as well be together together!" Ethan looks at me with a confused face, not understanding what I'm doing.
     "Can I speak to you in private?" Jesus asks me with anger in his tone.
     "No sorry gotta go see my father!" I dismiss him. Ethan's face of confusion turned into concern.
     "Don't worry! It's all good" I mention before he could speak, leaving the dining room.

I walk with confidence to the basement door. I am on fire inside. I can handle just about anything right now. I open the basement door and make my way down.

     "Daddy?" I shout at him to hear me and that's when I see him sitting on the couch smoking his cigarette, looking at me as if he has seen a ghost.