Thereafter

Chapter 13

I feel a lot better than I've been feeling these past days. His touch did the trick. He can be so sweet when he wants. Why does he have to fuck it up all the time?

We get out of the shower and get dressed, I wonder how it's going to be from now on, I don't want to get hurt again, it would be nice if we can be friends and to have no expectations whatsoever. No way in hell I could continue going back and forth like this... it will be the death of me and I have to make him know we can only be friends.

     "Ethan?" I say gently.
     "Yes princess!" He answers right away, grabbing the brush and brushing my hair. Why can't it be like this at all times?
     "We need to talk! We need to set boundaries!" I say, turning around looking at him.
     "Ok... What kind of boundaries? What do you mean?" He says confused.
     "Well Ethan we can't keep going back and forth like this, my heart can't take it, I want to be with you but that will never be possible and I can't just cut you out of my life completely that's impossible too" I say, and he stops me from continuing.
     "I think you completely misunderstood what's happening princess. We're just friends... I don't do the dating stuff and who are we kidding? We would never be together! We can't be together because one I don't feel that way about you and second you're too damaged" he says laughing. That was harsh.
     "Oh ok" is all I can manage to say.
     "You thought that me and you would date?" He continues laughing, waving his finger back and forth between us.
     "Uh"- I pause- "No" I don't want to sound like more of an idiot than I already do. That's all I was to him, a friend.
     "Perfect now that we agree, let's get going" he says. I take my bag and I follow him out of my room.

I'm so confused! Did I imagine everything that happened between us? Maybe I was so shocked at having a boy's attention that I made everything up in my head! I can't believe what I just heard, so I was right from the beginning. This was one sided the whole time. I'm so dumb. There's no point in hanging on to what's left because there's nothing there to hang on to. It's so much easier said than done.

We get to his car. It's a navy blue Volkswagen Jetta. It smells nice inside.

     "You want to go to the clinic first or last?" He asks, starting the car.
     "First" I answer, putting my seat belt on.
     "Perfect after we grab a bite" he says, leaving the driveway and heading on to the road. He's a really wonderful driver.
     "Okay" I say. This is going to be an awkward 30 minute drive.

I look out the window, the car is filled up with silence, I am more than nervous, what if either gave me an STD, my heart is pounding, but my heart calms down the second his hand squeezes my thigh. His touch sends electricity through my body, if only he knew what he did to me. I give him a reassuring smile. This is exactly what gives me mixed signals. Whatever.

The drive was quicker than I thought. As we pull up to park my stomach is turning upside down.

     "It's okay, I'm here princess! Ready when you are" he says, gently rubbing my thigh comforting me.
     "Ready" I say 5 minutes later.

We get out of the car and go in the clinic, right away when we get in there's a receptionist that hands me a clipboard with papers to fill out and tells me to wait in the waiting room. We find a spot to sit, I fill out the papers with my information and answer the question of my medical history. Once done Ethan takes them and brings them back to the receptionist. Right in front me there's a couple, a pregnant wife with her husband laughing. They look so happy, I want that, love, happiness, family. Ethan comes back, sits next to me and puts his arm around me, making me lean onto his side, he's so caring, he's making this really hard for me, does he even notice his actions, and why does he call me princess if I'm nothing to him?! I put my head on his shoulder and he squeezes my shoulder.