Atlas

Two

Sweetheart you look a little tired
When did you last eat?
Come in and make yourself right at home
Stay as long as you need

I was tired, exhausted even I couldn't remember the last time that I had gotten any sleep. The fear that whilst I was sleeping she would drift off to her dark place left me awake all night. I watched as she pushed the food around on her plate with tired eyes. My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest as her pale arms leant against the dark oak table.

Part of me wanted to run from it all, run from all the dark and scary, run from all the pain. It had been a few days since her mother had died and things just seemed to be getting worse. It started with tears lots of them constantly and now, now it's just silence. She never speaks just grunt of approval or disapproval and the only word she would ever say was 'stay, stay with me'.

Those few words were enough to have me push any feeling I had to the side to make my only focus her. Even work was forgotten about right in that moment loving her making her feel safe was the only thing I cared about.

She hadn't left my apartment not since I first brought her here. She had begged me to take her back home that she didn't want to be a burden that she would be fine at home. But how could she morn someone whilst living in their house. I reassured her that my apartment was just as much her home as it was mine that these four walls were her safe place to escape everything else. It was just us.

Tell me, is something wrong?
If something's wrong, you can count on me
You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat

The silence was slowly killing me it had been far too long since I had heard her speak. I didn't want to push her she was fragile like a China doll. She hated seeming weak she hated people seeing this side of her the side that left all her scars on show for anyone to see. It was like she was a car crash that everyone couldn't help but look at to slow down as they passed to check out just how recked the car was.

As I walked her out of the hospital that day it was exactly like that. Nurses were peering over their desks to catch a glimpse of broken Meredith. It was like we were in slow motion and everyone else was just there in normal time. Her hand was gripping onto mine with all her strength as she tried with everything in her to just make it to the car with out a tear slipping.

As the car door shut beside her it was like I could see her heart breaking into pieces. With the slam of the door her heart was a China vase falling to the ground. The damage was done there was no going back no matter how much I could try the pieces would never quite fit together again. In that very moment I would of done anything for that to be my heart breaking into pieces.

She grabbed my hand brining to her chest pressing it firmly against her whilst her fingers gripped mine as the tears ran down her face. I leant over the centre console bringing her into my arms the best I could holding her tightly never wanting to let go. There was no way she would of made it alone there was no way her heart or mind was strong enough to keep her going.

"Do you want to talk?" I finally asked her as the sound of her fork dragged across the porcelain plate.

"Soon" her voice was croaky but it was a different word and soon was hopeful.   

A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you with every single thing I have

Meredith was asleep in my bedroom she had been that way for the past few hours. I was shuffling through paper work when an extra weight made the couch cushion beside me dip slightly. A thin hand came across my lap moving the papers off and onto the coffee table. The papers were replaced by her head she fidgeted about as she tried to get comfortable before completing letting herself melt into me.