The Memories of Ivy

The sweet, fading highlight of summer

It was the summer
And I was adjusting to the circumstances
I had put myself in
I ended up meeting you under them

You looked younger than your age
A Russian girl, judging by that surname
And given the fact I had just met you
Probably best that I steer clear
Of a girl like you
Not forgetting what happened before
But I didn't
I knew I should have, but the 'what if'
Really hit me like a train

I was friendly to begin with
With you and your friends
But the game of Truth or Dare
Revealed my other intentions
"Who do you like?" One boy asked me
When I chose truth

I was cryptic at first
But you knew it was you
When I had said they were sitting with us
The boys that were with us were blind to it
Believing it was one of them
Until I pointed at you
With utter embarrassment
And my hand on my forehead

I did feel embarrassed about it
You weren't feeling the same
I knew that when I looked to you
However I was honest
I didn't want to lie
And I was so adamant to tell you
What happened the last time
I had feelings for someone

I realized then, it was a bit inappropriate
Of me to have told you this
It wasn't my intention to gain sympathy
But it's not an excuse to justify my actions

8th grade began, and so did
Continuing my fresh start
You were still around
But I thought I was gradually losing you
So I trailed you
Through the wooded area
You knew and your friend knew
That I had to stop

You got an adult involved
And I intitially wasn't happy
I was in tears
Because I was already back down the path
To do the worst of things
And yet I didn't want to stop
I wanted more and you
It was right to get have that adult stop me
And it was right that we stayed away
From each other when need be

A year after, we reunited at an NFL game
You were a plus-one for your sister
And you had fun
I had fun too
Though we didn't speak to one another
I wasn't sure if we were on good terms

If I don't think of you now
The way I did before
Then I guess it means I did let you go
And I am happy with that

***

Reflection: I wouldn't call her a summer fling. It was a simple infactuation and nothing more than that. We met during an icebreaker exercise at a community center. She was about a year younger than me. She was a sweet and wonderful person, and she probably still is. Her friend was nice to me too, but I was so drawn, that I had to confront the fact that I was attracted to her.

The truth or dare thing did happen in real life. She had found out I had a crush on her that way, and she uncomfortably laughed it off.

When she and her friend confronted me after I had followed them one time, they told me to stop and after I had an immediate breakdown they told an adult on-site to comfort me and to explain to them the situation.

When I contacted the girl through social media then to reconcile, we kinda ended up in a short-lived silent treatment phase. However, we are on good terms from the last we spoke, which was about a few years ago.

Did I regret it? Of course, I regret what I did. I followed her, and it wasn't okay. It was crossing the line.