hello | e. jaeger

⌗19 ME

the only thing that they went by was test scores. in all honesty it doesn't matter your name or age, it just matters what you get on your next test.

and as some people find it easy to score high, others struggled. but it didn't help that teachers only taught one way, and if you didn't understand that way then you were not fit for that subject.

such a repetitive thing but you can't change it.

picking up the remote from the coffee table you turned the tv on. if you were going to sit in silence then why not have some background noise. as the tv screen flashed to a random channel you turned down the volume making it to where it sounded soft.

you always found yourself in your thoughts. you looked through each and every single one of them, and if something seemed off it would always be on your mind. it sat there only for you to question it.

maybe you were an overthinker but knowing that information wouldn't change a single thing, it would just make you think harder.

the house you sat in was quiet. which was a no brainer as it was empty. the walls were painted white, but it wasn't always that color. after a while you found it boring to look at an obnoxious salmon color so you painted over it. but now that you think about it, maybe that wasn't the reason.

each unused bedroom was empty. there was no use to decorate an empty room if no one was going to use it. so you let the silence and decaying hate you had for this house fill it up, you let it paint the walls as it twirled around to plast different designs onto the wall.

the pictures that hung on the walls were fake. you didn't know a single person in them but no one seemed to take notice.

every corner you took in this house was a lie. but you didn't care. you could only hope that the wood would start to rot. that it would break down leaving the house to fall into pieces. letting the such painted and carved designs on the walls to crack. you wanted to see the pictures on the floor and stepped on, no stomping on until the faces of the strangers were no more.

you wanted to watch the roof cave in, crushing everything below it. crush all the lies and the plain colored walls. because maybe if it were all gone you didn't have to look at it.

it was like your secrets were nailed into the walls leaving you to look at them. and as your eyes scanned over them you couldn't help but want to paint over it again, but with a different color.

but no matter how many times you were to run that paint brush over the textured walls you were still going to see the stains. you could try to cover it up but it was like an automatic feature for your eyes to go straight to where that stain was. so if the house were to just fall you wouldn't have to be reminded of anything anymore.

you're no saint. you have your secrets along with the reasons of why you are, the way you are.

but in the house you hated so much, held a room. on the second floor, all the way at the end of the hallway stood a pink door. the only color that stayed in this house. the room used to be yours as you spent endless nights in it as a child. those days were rough but it held great memories.

memories you still played in your head and wished you could relive. but of course each memory had its downfall.

you had been asked countless times on what you were doing here in paradis. nevertheless asked who you were. you didn't blame them as they threw profanities your way. because in reality no one would know your so called backstory and it will be kept that way.

but why not just let your brain relive the memories one last time.