Another path

Aftermath

A voice pierced through the cloud of thoughts caging her mind.

« - Everything's okay. You're fine, I got you. Always. Don't worry, everything will be fine.

Unconsciously, her shoulders relaxed and soon other arms embraced her. She felt cold, so cold. The skin grazing, pressing against hers was scorching. She felt uncomfortable. Hugs weren't supposed t be this unpleasant. Another voice ringed within her ears.

- Come on now, let's go somewhere else.

She followed the warmth that tingled her fingers, letting herself being pulled to a new room. It was dark, no lights on and windows closed. The darkness rested her eyes... Why did they need rest ? She couldn't see the people before her. She felt a bit lost... Was that normal ? She didn't know. She didn't anymore. She didn't know anything.

About herself or the others or her teammates or the world- she just didn't know. She was scared. She was a little girl lost in the darkness, so cold and so scared, she didn't know, she couldn't see, she couldn't feel, she couldn't calm, she couldn't breathe-

- Suzuka.

A voice gently broke the silence and reeled her back. She listened.

- Suzuka, what happened ? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Just let it out.

Should she ? Should Suzuka tell him ? But... But he- Higure was a good person. Not like her. He wouldn't... Would he understand ? She didn't know...

- Let's start all over.Who are you ?

That was a dumb question. She was... She was... She was someone ? Or something ?

- I'm... Ōtsutsuki Suzuka...?

That came out way less certain than she'd hoped. But was she certain ? No she wasn't. She wasn't certain of anything right now.

- Alright, that's your name but who are you ?

... Oh. That was a tough question. Who was she ? Well... A kunoichi ? A Bijū ? A human being ? No-

- A monster.

She heard breathing stilling around her and she suddenly felt really constricted.

- Why ?

- I... I...

Should she ? Could she-

- I abandoned her.

A silence. Then-

- Who ?

- ...Sakura.

- And why is it a problem ?

Despite the question being asked without malice or reprobation, she felt attacked. Why was it a problem ?! Wasn't it obvious ?! It's because- oh. Oh. OH. That was unexpected. Yet that explained a lot. Oh... She felt guilt washing over her though it didn't feel as excruciating as earlier. Why ? Because she'd finally acknowledged something that hurt her ? Shouldn't it feel even more painful ? But anyway...

- She's my teammate. But I abandoned her.

The implication of that sentence was a painful and degrading one. She hated it. She hated herself.

- And why is abandoning your teammate a problem ?

Now she knew Higure was trying to make her say something but there was an obvious answer to that question, one that goes without saying.

- Because it's not what a good person does.

- What's a good person ?

There seems to be a pattern here : an easy question followed by a tricky one. She didn't know...

A hand lightly brushed against hers. She could see a faint silhouette glowing in the darkness. Does skin glow ? It sure looked like it did. She tried not to focus on the sensation. It felt... uncomfortably warm. Neither burning nor soothing. Clammy ? Yeah, kinda... Was she sweating ? She felt unbearably hot all of a sudden.

- Is a good person someone who does good things ?

- I... guess so... But...

There was another silence. It stretched and stretched and she understood Higure wouldn't answer for her.

- But it... feels lacking... as a definition, I mean.

- Could it be because even if a good person does something bad, it doesn't change who they are ?

It doesn't ?... She never really considered this. But that was true... Shinobi did terrible things all the time but they weren't all bad people. They made bad decisions but they weren't stupid. They made mistakes but...

- They make mistakes but aren't trash. Good people can make mistakes but that doesn't make them trash.

- And what's a mistake ?

- Something that you've done and regret- oh.

So that's what Higure was trying to tell her. But still, she-

- Be as indulgent toward yourself as you'd be toward others. You're not a monster, you've never been and won't ever be one. Because you care for others. You hate to hurt them, even when they've wronged you. You're very much human and that's why you love but also why you hate and make mistakes. You don't have to be perfect and do the right things all the time. You're allowed to be angry, tired, sad, uncomfortable or vulnerable. It's fine, your family's got your back. Your friends too. We're all here for you because we live you. And we'd never be disappointed in you because we love you. We just want the best for you, Suzu, and I believe loving yourself is part of it.

Her lungs felt light and her skin warm. The brushing of clothes and hair against her skin felt soft but not as much as Higure's hand.
Suzuka felt something weird swell within her chest, what was it ?
A hand caressed her left cheek and it dawned on her that the warm sensation on her face were that of her tears.
A sob- then two escaped her throat. Then a miserable wail and she lost all control of her emotions. They came crashing down on her and she did nothing to stop them. It felt nice to let everything out.

Warm arms engulfed her entire body and the world was right. She knew where she belonged and who she was. She was Ōtsutsuki Suzuka, the daughter of Ōtsutsuki Kurama and Namikaze Minato, the sister of Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Tenten and Ōtsutsuki Hakuchō, the lover of Uzumaki Higure and a kunoichi of Uzushio. She believed in peace between the shinobi villages and would do anything to protect both Uzushio and Konoha. Because both were her home to some extent. She will protect those she loves to the very end. That's who Ōtsutsuki Suzuka fucking was and she would make sure everyone remembered so.