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chapter xviii.
"Z? What are you doing here? Are you okay?" Tom asked, upon opening his front door and seeing his best friend standing there, visibly upset.
"I fucked up," was all she said. Tom immediately welcomed her in, taking a seat with her on his couch.
"What happened?" He asked, very much concerned. He had seen her upset and in very vulnerable moments before, but this felt different. He knew it was something bigger.
"I fell in love with someone," she began. "I fell in love with this person, we kissed, we had sex, and then I ghosted them." She rambled out.
Tom blinked, a wave of shock and confusion washing over him. She had said it so quickly and so bluntly yet he still had so many more questions. "Wait, what? Who? Why? Woah—"
"Yeah, I- I've fallen in love with her and I think the feeling may have been mutual but I fucked it all up because I got scared." The woman explained, shaking her head in disgust. She was disgusted with herself for how she handled things, but at the same time she was terrified. She was feeling every possible negative emotion you could possibly feel, and it was beyond overwhelming. She could feel herself tearing up upon the word "her" slipping from her lips.
"Oh, Daya," Tom pulled her in for a hug. He wasn't sure what else to do exactly, but he could see on her face she was going to breakdown any second; hugging her seemed like the best option in that moment.
She began bawling, "Tom, I- I think I like girls." She choked out. A slight weight was lifted off her chest, as she had finally said it out loud. The thought that had been plaguing her mind for months and months, was out in the open to somebody else. She felt the grip of the hug tighten, which she needed.
"That's okay, Z. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, or with you. It doesn't change you or who you are, either. You're still the same Zendaya, the same funny, talented, sarcastic Zendaya everyone knows and loves. Who you love does not change that." He whispered as he rubbed her back. He wanted to make sure she knew this did not change anything and that she was no different.
The two sat there for a few moments, Zendaya trying to calm herself down. She pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears off her face, Tom handing her a tissue. "thank you," she mutters, her voice cracking slightly. The woman blows her nose before tossing the tissue out, taking a deep breath.
"So, I'm gonna take a guess who the girl is," Tom was hesitant to speak, but ultimately decided to go for it. "Is it Mackenzie?"
Zendaya nodded her head yes, "I don't know how it happened. It's like, right from the start we had this connection unlike any other connection I've ever had. I started realizing I had a crush on her and it was fucking scary, I tried to pretend I didn't but then in the moment I just wanted to kiss her so I did—or maybe she kissed me—I'm not sure. And it was nice, it felt right."
"Well, clearly if you guys had sex—"
"—Shut it, Holland."
They both laughed, Tom then motioned for her to continue. "She tried contacting me the next day and I just left her on seen. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet, but I told myself I would reach out. And then, I didn't. I just kept ignoring her, and now I feel like if I reached out she would tell me to fuck off. Which, I would deserve, but I'm not ready for that." She explained, sighing. "What do I do?"
"Well first, I think you should do a little more soul searching and figure yourself out. You are clearly confused and trying to navigate who you are, and that's okay. Take that time to discover yourself, figure out who you really are." Tom told the girl. He had no clue what it was like to be in her shoes, so he tried to give her the best advice he could in that moment. "And second, I think you should reach out to her when you're ready to do so. Don't force yourself into anything, but also don't leave her without any form of closure or without an answer as to why you ghosted her. It can be like a two step process."
Zendaya processed his words, ideas of how to go about both steps filling her mind. She mentally reminded herself she needed to take things one step at a time. Then, maybe— just maybe— things will go back to something sort of like they were before.
— short chapter, ngl im not entirely happy with but 😭 it is what it is! hope y'all enjoy!!
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