The Seventh Avenger: Memories Never Die// Bucky Barnes

EIGHTEEN: HOPE

          If I thought that time moved slowly while I was trapped here in this facility, then it moves at an agonisingly snail-like pace in the hours that follow my confrontation with Ward in the hallway.

I cower on my bed in a shaking, sobbing heap long after Jasper asked both Adam and myself to return to our cells, and I don't stop until my eyes are itchy and too dry to shed any more heartbroken tears. Exhausted, all I can do is lay in the darkness, forced to dwell on this newfound misery as my brain plays every single memory that I share with Ward like a televised loop behind my sensitive lids.

And there was a lot. Our first meeting at the SHIELD academy where we had initially gotten off the wrong foot, our frigid encounter in my doorway leaving a less than ideal impression of the new recruit in the back of my mind. Our training sessions together, where he had been the only other person in the room willing to partner with such a young recruit like myself – that had been the turning point and the start of our friendship, really, as the more time I spent with him, the more I got to know him. Our graduation ceremony and our first mission out in the field as proper SHIELD agents, adrenaline and excitement coursing through our veins as the future looked bright and promising. The celebratory drinks and cheer that would ensue after our slew of successful missions. The rare days off that we chose to spend together, doing everything and nothing at the same time. Warm summer days down by the beach and cooler evenings with warm coffee and old movies keeping us entertained long into the hours of the night.

The first time he had asked me on a date – just dinner and a movie, which had been a welcome normalcy we sometimes missed in our more than chaotic work life. Our first kiss, which had left me breathless on my doorstep and thinking about him long after he had left. The first declarations and all the ones that followed after, which had sounded as sweet as honey the more that they were uttered. Whispered promises and adoring words between tangled limbs and sheets that only made me care for him even more. Small arguments that at times could be so insanely petty and childish, but were always solved in the end.

So many memories – I have cherished all of them. But now? Now they have been tainted by the truth that every single one of them had been a lie, and my heart breaks as they continue to flicker almost tauntingly behind my eyes.

As a SHIELD agent, you're taught to look between the lines. To not skip over any detail – not even the smallest of points – and to dig as deep into information to ensure that you cover every point for a mission that you have to complete, a report that you have to write or a suspect that you have to identify and bring in. In this line of work, you can't afford to gloss over any details; doing so could cost you in more ways than one. I used to pride myself in my ability to pick up on the smallest of things, both within my work and outside of it as well. It didn't matter who I was with or where I was – if there was something to be found out, then I would find it. My knack for paying attention to details has helped me more times than I can count, and it's why I couldn't help but think that my ability shaped me into a good SHIELD agent.

But now, after learning the truth about one of the few people that I used to deem important to me, I can't help but think the complete opposite.

I don't understand how I could have missed this. Lying to everyone that you know is no easy task, especially if your lies have multiple layers and covers that can easily get confusing if you don't pay enough attention. Yet, lying this much and working deep undercover must have been as easy as breathing for Ward, because he has successfully fooled both me and everyone close to me for the past few years. Not even Nat had managed to detect that there was even something slightly wrong with Ward; I can't remember the last time something this big slipped by her.