Drowning Emotions (Isla Series #5)

EPILOGUE

I could've made the most of our time together... I could've gone to the ends with her, as what our beautiful promise translates.

If only I could go back to our beginning, I would, so I could treasure her better... Love her deeper, and will not let her slip from me. For the first time or second. We wouldn't have to have our ending.

If only I knew... but it's too late now.

My tears had ran dry and my heart felt so hollow I had no motivation to do anything. Ayaw kong bumangon. Ayaw kong kumain. Ayaw kong magtrabaho. Naroon lang ako sa loob ng kwarto, nagmumokmok.

Her presence could still be felt in our room. I could still smell her in our bedsheets and pillowcases, so I hugged them close and closed my eyes, thinking she was still lying next to me. She was here with me... before she wasn't.

"Nak, kain na." Kumatok si Mama pero hindi ako gumawa ng tunog.

Narito sila sa unit tumutuloy kasi hindi ko kayang bantayan si Aqeila. Wala ako sa ulirat. Iyong mga papeles ni Ica, si Alonzo ang umasikaso dahil hindi ko kayang gawin. Para rin akong namatay.

"Nahimatay raw papa ni Ica, nak, sa burol dahil sa kakaiyak kaya inuwi siya kaagad," balita ni Mama sunod araw. I was still in the same position I was yesterday.

First day of her burial... I didn't go. I cannot go. I cannot stand seeing her inside a coffin and only being able to catch a glimpse of her through the glass.

"Hey, it's Manu. I have something to give you." He knocked but I didn't open the door. "It's from Ica. She told me to give it to you when she's... away. I think it's important."

Mabilis akong naglakad papuntang pintuan. I licked my lower lip when I felt so dehydrated. Binigyan niya ako ng isang paper bag, probably food. May nilapag rin siya sa kamay ko na flash drive.

"Salamat." My voice was so hoarse I almost couldn't hear it.

Tinapik niya ang balikat ko bago umalis, alam na ayaw kong may kausap. Hindi ko kinain ang dala niya at inunang tingnan ang laman ng flash drive. I covered my mouth using the back of my hand when I saw a file with my name and then when I pressed it... it was a video.

"Babe, hi! I mean, babe ba? Pwede ba iyon? Hindi naman tayo ulit..." Natatawang kumamot siya sa ulo niya, naiilang.

Dire-diretsong tumulo ang luha ko kahit na ilang salita palang ang sinabi niya. It was a video filmed before we were okay. I knew because of the date. It contained a message for me with apologies and confession of her love for me. Nasabi na niya sa akin iyong mga iyon.

Matagal na pala siyang handang iwan ako.

Second, third, fourth day of her burial... I still didn't go. Binibisita ako ng mga kaibigan ko para siguraduhing maayos ang lagay ko pero hindi ko sila pinagbubuksan ng pinto. Despite, they still visit daily and bring food.

"Da," rinig ko ang malambing na boses ni Aqeila sa labas ng pinto. "Open... door for Kie."

Napakurap-kurap ako habang nakatitig sa ceiling. Kinulit niya ako sa dami ng katok niya. I slowly got up from the bed and did what she asked. She was there, sitting on the floor in her pajamas as she sipped on a box of milk with tired eyes.

"Carry!" She raised both her hands to me but I knelt down to her level.

"Nakakasalita ka na ulit..." I couldn't believe it and laughed a little. She looked at me, puzzled. As I stared at her face, a small painful smile formed on my lips, and a kicking sensation stomped on my chest, as if the heavens had fallen on my shoulders with such sorrow.