The Ones We Didn't See

Balcony Kisses and Broken Lines

9x13 - TOW Monica Sings

A/N - Ross and Rachel had two major fights in the series. Everyone knows about the first one, but the second one is not as widely talked about. They were so close to having everything, but once more, they let it slip through their fingers due to a lack of communication and a misinterpretation of each other's feelings. This will explore Rachel's feelings about kissing Gavin on the balcony and Ross's feelings about it during their fight when she moves out. It's a tough one - fair warning :)

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Rachel laid in her bed as darkness fell around her, but sleep was nowhere to be found. Instead, it was replaced with a guilt that wreaked havoc on her insides. 'Some birthday, huh?' she thought. Her mind was conflicted and her heart was being pulled in different directions. If someone would have told her 24 hours ago that Gavin would kiss her earlier that evening, she would consider them certifiably insane. Gavin was arrogant, pompous, shallow, and way too brutally honest for his own good. But somehow, he had artfully made himself slightly unattainable enough that she found herself hoping he would show up to her party. And he did. And on the balcony, she saw him let down that hard exterior...she saw him smile...she saw that he cared. There was something incredibly sexy about the man. Probably because he didn't throw himself at her like most men would do. He was thoughtful, he was mysterious, he was... new.

Ross would be devastated if he found out what happened on the balcony. She felt terrible about letting the kiss happen. But beyond that, she was confused. She didn't expect to want Gavin to kiss her. And she definitely didn't expect to kiss him back...

...she didn't expect to like it.

The thought of being with someone else hadn't really crossed her mind since she went on that date with Cash over a year ago and he freaked out over her pregnancy. Even when she gave her number to that guy in the bar, she didn't have any intentions of anything coming from it. With that guy, she just wanted to feel the rush of being pursued. She wanted to feel attractive again. Since all of that, her focus had been spent entirely on Emma.

But this... this was different.

She was starting to feel something in her heart for Gavin, like he was possibly someone she could see herself being with. He was successful, funny, ambitious, attractive... he was the type of guy that made the most sense for her. The fact that he wasn't bothered by her having a daughter spoke volumes about the type of man that he was. She thought back to the last 8 years. When was the last time she was with a guy that was right for her and she saw a potential future with?

There had only been one.

Ross.

Since him, every single guy she went out with was like a temporary fix, a bandaid, to help heal her heart or pass the time. Maybe in the back of her mind, she always thought that she and Ross would ultimately find their way back to each other, so she kept her heart closed off to any man that could potentially take it. Or maybe it was because the heartbreak he caused her was so devastating that she kept it guarded from any man that she could possibly love as much as she loved Ross, because she never wanted to feel that same type of pain again.

But that was the thing. Would she ever be able to love any man as much as she loved Ross? Would she always hold out a place in her heart for him? She feared that as much as she wanted to move on, she might never be able to. The whole thing wasn't fair, to be honest. Ross had his chance to find love - with Emily and with Mona. She deserved the chance to love someone else too. She had been sitting around counting her 'what-if's' and her 'almost's' with Ross for nearly 6 years now, waiting for him to finally say it - to say that he needed her.