I Couldn't Care Less

+ Ducks +

Last night I had another dream about boys. This time, I woke up completely naked and I'm absolutely positive that when I went to sleep, I was wearing a hoodie and shorts. Now, I stand in the foyer, only just seeing the cherry red curtains through the doorway. It was quiet, but not too quiet. I hoped Benji didn't think it was weird getting a female part when he was male. He did sign up for it, after all.

+ + +

"Alright. Ben, you here?" I hear Brianna say. I hear a 'yes' a few seconds afterwards. "Perfect, right. Cody, could you come into the changing room, please?" she asks. I nod, smile, and stroll over to the open greenroom.

"Hi.." I say gently to Ben. He waves and smiles.

Brianna turns to me. "I have your costume. Rehearsals every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Meet me, or Mrs Lloyd here. If nobody else is here, just wait, okay? There should at least be a few more kids here." we both nod. "With that, we have a rehearsal today, but there's no need to get changed." She gives us a thumbs up and leaves the room, smiling.

"I still have some lines to practice." Ben says, "do you wanna practice with me? We could do.. the hyena scene?" I nod and climb onto the stage.

+ + +

At the end of the day, I go home. When I get inside, my mum is standing right by the front door, waiting to talk to me.

"Get changed, we have to get Luke's injection, remember?" I nod and run to my room.

In case you haven't noticed, Luke is my four-year-old brother. He just turned four about a month ago, and is due for his flu shot, or whatever it is. Luke runs up to me, smiling. "I'm getting a shot today. I'm a braaaaave boy!" I laugh.

"Yeah, very brave." I reply.

+ + +

The second we get to the mall, Mum rushes us into the chemist. That's where Luke's getting his needle. The first thing I notice are the boys. They're in the room next to the one that looks like where we'll be next. I feel my face go red as they look at me, smiling.

"Next!" we hear someone say. My mum takes Luke by the hand and heads into a room, with me following her.

It's not until I sit down that I notice that the nurse that's giving Luke his injection is only about four years older than me. He smiles at me and I feel a spark of electricity shoot through me, and I shiver, blushing intensely.

My one word for him is hot. I can only imagine him pushing me against a wall, staring at me like I'm his boyfriend or something. I shiver. I can't stop staring at him. I can feel my face getting hot, but I can't care. 

"Hey, you okay?" he asks. "You're a bit red.. Do you need anything?" he places his hand on my forehead and I twitch.

"No, no I'm alright, thanks.." I say quickly.

Feeling flustered by him made me feel.. gay.

+ + +

Ever since that 'incident', even though it wasn't really an incident, but ever since.. that, I've been feeling more.. agitated by men. Recently, I thought Tom Holland was the hottest guy I'd ever seen, and my sister threatened me and said she was going to get me a shirtless Tom Cruise poster for my next birthday. That freaked me out, big time.

I'm just really not sure.

+ + +

Ben and I are practicing and he says something sort of shocking.

"Have I ever told you that I'm actually gay?"

I shake my head, feeling a bit flushed. "No, you haven't."

"Oh. Well I am!" he laughs. I laugh too and we go back to practice.

"I'm not sure what I am, but I think I might be gay." I reply later.

"Oh, well there's a lot more sexualities other than gay and straight. You could be bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, maybe graysexual." he suggests.

I shrug. "No, I definitely am not flustered by girls," he laugh.

"Are you... flustered by.. me..?" I chuckle and so does he. I think he says it as a joke.

"No.. I mean I don't think so. I'm not trying to sound rude.." we keep laughing and rolling all over the stage, not being able to breathe for a while.

+ + +

Every time I'm out at lunch and I see Ben, I get all red and excited. And I feel the need to just run up to him and hug him.

In fact, I even feel it when I'm not around him.

Is this a crush?