It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

40.

"I most definitely am..." She said softly as she ran her fingers through the little boy's hair. "I don't want to miss Santa Claus..." She shook her head.

"No... No you don't..." He said with a sweet smile. "Can I sleep with you in your room?" He asked, watching Meredith as she smiled at him, her eyes lifting as Derek walked into the room.

"Hey...a party... and I wasn't invited!" He exclaimed as everyone looked up and smiled, the adults with knowing glances, and the children squealed with excitement. Donnie forgot his question to Meredith and slid off her lap to give his uncle a hug and a kiss.

"You were invited dear... you just had other things to attend to..." His mother laughed, shaking her head, her eyes moved to Meredith, whose smile faded at her knowing look. She was dreading this conversation, the unknown was something she liked to keep safely hidden like a package that should never be opened. She knew that with all of the events leading to this day, and the day itself, that her secret was no longer safe. It was going to be revealed, and she was scared to death of the results.

Derek stepped over to the couch, smiling softly as he sat beside her, listening to her giggle slightly as he slid her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her securely. "So did my little Vixen tell you all about her trip?" He asked, watching her eyes meet his as she shook her head with a roll of her eyes.

"Not any more than you told us..." Neil bit, getting the joke that Derek was making.

"OH yeah... she was just 'Blitzen' down the road... and that little 'Dancer' just 'Danced' out into her line of site... and it was too late... You guys should have seen it..." He shook his head as everyone laughed. "I saw her on the side of the road...to see if she needed help, of course... and you know... I pointed at the hood of her car... asked her... 'Looks like you hit a deer... where did it land... up dere?' I asked... pointing up at the top of the car... and she shook her head... said... no... it's Donder... and pointed under the car... Boy did I feel 'Cupid'." Derek laughed as his sisters all rolled their eyes, Meredith wiggled in his embrace as her face burned with embarrassment.

"Mean... mean, mean, mean..." She giggled as she moved around as he held her tightly, kissing her cheek.

"Seriously though..." Derek whispered, kissing her again as she relaxed in his arms. "It was really bad..." He shook his head. "I don't know how she even got out of that accident without getting hurt..."

"That's two cars in three Christmases, Meredith..." Michael shook his head with a laugh.

"I'm never letting her drive to Christmas Eve again..." Derek chuckled as she scowled at him with a smirk.

"Right... like you could stop me..." She teased back as she leaned her head back to kiss his ear.

"At least I was the one that saved her this time..." Derek said softly with a smile.

"Oh yeah... because that trip to the guest house could have been really awkward if it was anyone else..." Nancy said with her eyebrows raised as she watched both Derek's and Meredith's face turn bright red as everyone laughed.

They all talked candidly for a little while until the adults all slipped into a silence that seemed a little awkward at first, though they all attributed it to the exhaustion of the day. The little ones were starting to get cranky and slowly, everyone began to make their way upstairs. Meredith stood up and turned around, stretching carefully, she looked down at Derek and held her hand out to him. "Are you coming to bed?" She asked, watching him sigh a little as he looked up at her.

"I thought that we were going to talk." He said, tilting his head up to her as he watched her tilt her head with a slight pout. He took her hand in his as everyone disappeared up the stairs, leaving them to their conversation.

"Not tonight, sweetie... maybe tomorrow... I'm just so sleepy..." She whispered as she shifted from one leg to the other as she watched his eyes search hers again. "Stop that." She whispered, looking at him with a defensive frown as she tried to pull her hand away, only to have it latched onto tighter.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like you think that there's something wrong." She whispered, watching him shake his head. "What?" She said, trying to pull her hand away again, only to have him grip it tighter.

"You're not telling me things..." He said, his voice stern as he let go of her hand. "You went through all of that apologizing shit... just to get back to the same place we were before all of this, Meredith... I'm sick of it." He growled.

"Derek, I..."

"No..." He said, shaking his head as he sighed. "No... I really think I'm sick of this, Meredith. It's fine, okay? You don't want to be with me anymore...I get it... I'm an absentee boyfriend who loves his goddamned job... and you're taking all of your sadness and hatred for your mother when she used to push you aside for her job, and you're throwing it at me... Fine... that's just fine... You don't want to be involved with a guy that loves you... that adores you... that would pick you up and put you back together when you fall apart... that's fine! I'll go find someone who is willing to let me do that for them... because all you've done to me is lie to me! You made me believe that you loved me! That you'd do anything for me, but it's not true and you know it! You are only out for you! Meredith Grey is the only important person in Meredith Grey's world!"

The more he talked, the smaller she felt. Her eyes were watering now and her stomach was twisting again as he watched the anger in his eyes. He was trying to keep his voice down, but his angry pointing finger was getting closer to her, and she could feel herself start to tremble. She didn't say a word as he continued his tirade, but with each passing word, she felt her emotions shutting down, a lightheaded feeling filling her brain.

"It's fine... Meredith... It's just fine... because I understand that all that you want is some little puppy dog to follow you around and do whatever it is that you want! I was willing to give up one of the best opportunities of my life for you... but that was this morning...Maybe I will go to Seattle now... Maybe I will go... and if you want to come, you can come with me... I should make that decision for me... not for you! I waited and pined for you! I let you into my home, into my mother's home! Into my memories and my heart, and what have you given me, Meredith? What have you given me? Nothing but grief and heartache! When I found you on the side of the road earlier today... I was a fucking nervous wreck that you were hurt... or worse..." He whispered. "Then you go through this giant fucking apology routine and make me think that everything is alright... only to bring us right back to where we are right now!" he growled.

"Derek!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaimed from the stairs as she watched her son angrily growl at Meredith, her eyes were filled with such fear, such sadness that she couldn't move. Her entire body was trembling as she stared into his angry eyes, now trained on his mother on the stairs as she stared ahead. "What are you doing?" She exclaimed as she approached them quickly, grabbing Meredith tightly, she felt the woman wrap her arms around her as she trembled; looking for something to help hold her up, for it wouldn't have been long before she fell to the floor. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, talking to her like that!" His mother exclaimed as she shook her head furiously at him, Meredith sobbing into her shoulder.

Derek stood in shock for a moment as all of the anger that he had been feeling slowly drained from his body, the anger disappeared from his face, and he had the need to just run. The look in his mother's face was one of such disappointment that she had never seen, her head shaking disapprovingly as she looked for his answer to her question.

"Derek, answer me! Why are you speaking to her like that? Where is all of this hate coming from?" She asked, tears coming to her eyes as she listened to Meredith's sobs into her shoulder.

"I..." he whispered as he shook his head, tears springing to his eyes as he looked at what he had done to her, what he had reduced her to. "I...can't...I can't..." He whispered as he shook his head again, walking past his mother, he ascended the stairs quickly, the door to his room closing firmly behind him as Mrs. Shepherd was left to pick up the pieces of the woman in her arms.

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