TEN SECONDS , The Kenny Ackerman Story BOOK ONE~ ORIGINS ,by Melly O'Hara

HOPE

"Who are you?" he asked quietly.

"I...I'm..I knew your mother", I answered finally. Not knowin' what ta tell him. Not wantin' ta answer the questions that would come, 'bout where I'd been an' why I hadn' looked after my own sister, my own kin, an' why I hadn' even visited. Levi musta been 'bout nine, maybe nearly ten by now, but he looked closer ta seven. I didn' know if it were 'cause he'd had so little ta eat since Kuchel had gotten sick, an' obviously not been able ta look after him, or whether it were jus' from his father. Either way, this half starved runt were all she'd left behind. It were her only legacy. An' he'd been sittin' by his mother, been sittin' in that corner, for a long time.

'Always the luck o' the fuckin' Ackermans!', I thought ta myself. 'Power, but not the power ta change anythin'! Not enough, anyway! This world were a shithole! An' that's what happens when ya hope, when ya believe. Why didn' Uri get that?! Life's a fuckin' bitch! Why even try ta forget that, when it's starin' me in the face?!', all raced through my mind as I stared inta those big eyes.

My God, what that boy musta seen! There were a ragged partition that 'divided' the room in half, but he musta seen way too much, when she were too sick ta do anythin' but lay there while the johns jus' let themselves in, anytime day or night - whether the runt were there or not, an' got their money's worth. 'Cause I knew from what I seen, an' from his eyes, that she had got ta the stage when she no longer worked only while he were at school. He hadn' been ta school for a while, prob'ly didn' want ta leave his Ma. So he'd stayed. An' he'd seen.

He looked so like her.

I got up ta leave. He stayed sittin' in his corner.

"Come on, you need a feed", I said ta him.

He trailed after me, an' I took him ta Bob's. For a half-staved kid, he ate hesitatingly, as if he were unsure if he were allowed ta. The waitress made a fuss over him, as I nursed my whiskey, silently watchin'.

'What the fuck were I supposed ta do now? I ain' no parent - What?! Me: "Come on son, I'll teach ya how ta gut a fat pig from ear ta ear, an' take his cash?! OR, "Hey Levi, this is how ya run the best racket in town, an' I'll show ya how ta make sure EVERYONE pays! What the fuck?! But... he were so like her. An' despite his age, he were innocent, he were sweet like her.

I took my ol' room an' Kuchel's ol' room at Bob's. I ran a bath for Levi an' Bob's wife ,Martha, gave us some clean clothes for Levi an' offered ta pick up some 'new' ones him the next day. I gave her money an' put Levi ta bed, an' takin' a fresh whiskey bottle I went ta my room, an' ta bed. But not ta sleep.

Next mornin' I checked on him. He were already up an' had tried ta make his bed, but bein' so small he weren' able ta reach the other side an' the blankets hung all crooked an' down ta the floor. He had dressed himself, an' washed his face an' were standin' in front o' the mirror, buttonin' up his collar.

I tossed him a hair brush an' tol' him ta brush his hair afore breakfast. As I were walkin' out, I looked over at him, ta see him tryin' ta comb the hair, that kept fallin' back inta his eyes; his mouth quiverin', tears silently streamin' down his cheeks.

"Whadda ya cryin' over brushin' ya hair for?" I asked him.

"It won't stay.... When Mu....Mu...Mummy said she 'd cut it when she got bedda...but she ... Mummy neva got bedda", he sobbed, tryin' so hard ta keep it in an' be brave. ' A big boy', she woulda called him.

That's when I knew I couldn' leave him. He were Kuchel. He were soft an' despite all he'd seen, she'd kept him innocent. They'd had their own little world, where it were safe; jus' them two. An' now he were alone.

If I left him, he'd die.

I knew I couldn' tell him who I were, 'cause it would only make him love me, look at me like I were Kuchel; the same way I looked at him, like he were Kuchel. It would make him depend on me, keep him soft. But there were no way I could leave him either.

"Come on, we'll have some breakfast, an' then I'll take ya ta get your haircut. You'll stay with me for a while", I told him as I walked out the room. As he got ready ta come with me, he grabbed what looked like a bundle or small blanket.

I reached for it an' said," Ya won't need your ol' rags now. Martha, Bob's wife, is gonna get ya some new things."

He stood still, his hand out-stretched an' said," Mummy's".

I saw then that it were a piece o' material that were once part o' a dress or skirt, once white, now made inta a scarf that were too big for him.

"Well, we'll jus' let Martha wash it , an' then she'll give it right back ta ya , okay?" I asked him, but his hand remained outstretched. " lt'll be okay, she'll be real careful with it an' it'll even be dry afore ya go get ya hair cut, okay?" I reaasurred him.

He nodded silently, his big eyes sad an' trustin' an' followed me down stairs.