The shoulder you cry on, the dose that you die on

Chapter Fifteen - ... December in the summer kills the heart

Alicia sat in the ambulance that Sylvie was driving back to the firehouse, Erin and Jay were right behind them in their car. Jay was clenching his fists, his anger growing while he thought about the guy that not only was putting dozens of girls in danger, but also was the same guy who hurt the woman he cared so much about; Alicia's thoughts on the other hand were circling around what Wes could have done to be a suspect of Intelligence.

At the fire house, Erin told her to change. "Come to Boden's office, we explan to him why you need to come with us."

She felt like she stood right next to herself while she got into the changing room, removed all her clothes except her underwear and got into her jeans, boots, oversized long-sleeve and her leather jacket. It has been a colder day, not yet winter but not summer anymore, but she didn't feel the temperatures, as if her body had gone into autopilot and didn't register such unimportant information anymore. Everything felt muffled and muted, from the sensation of the fabric while she changed to the sounds in the building.

"Hey", she heard Casey's voice behind her, "everything alright? I saw Lindsay and Halstead follow you guys, but Brett doesn't know anything either."

Alicia grabbed her bag. "Um yeah, so, I talked to Jay... to Detective Halstead, that my ex is in town and turns out they're looking for him, so, it's nothing really, I guess I just need to help find him", she shortly explains, well aware that this doesn't explain much at all.

So it was no surprise Casey looked at her confused, his eyebrows furrowed. "But, you're not in trouble?"

"No." Not yet.

His face relaxed. "Okay then... if you need anything, just reach out. Call us, we're all here for you, okay?"

Alicia nodded. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys." She cleared her throat, trying to swallow the knot.

A minute later, she knocked at Boden's office and was asked in.

"Chief." She stepped in, barely able to look him in his eyes. She didn't know how many more worried gazes she could take.

"Barnes. These two detectives have just told me why they need you. I wish I could help you in any way. You're excused from this shift entirely, no need to come back to work after this is done. And if you need more time, you let me know."

She nodded. "Thank you, Chief."

Boden looked at the two detectives. "If that is all, I'd like to have a minute with my paramedic."

Jay agreed. "We wait outside." His fingers touched her arm briefly while they left the office.

"Just one thing", Boden started, "this fire house is not only a workplace for us all, but also a home."

Allie nodded eagerly. "I am well aware of that, Chief. Casey just said the same when he saw Halstead and Lindsay bring me in. I appreciate it. A lot."

Boden looked at her for a couple of seconds without saying anything. "Tell me, that guy you could identify, what about him?"

Alicia was tempted to play dumb, ask what he meant, but she already knew Boden looked right through her. She sighed. "He's my ex. It was a pretty toxic relationship and a few days ago I found out he's in Chicago, even though he doesn't live here, has never been here. That's how I'm connected."

"I have to say, I don't like you being involved. For the simple reason that I don't want you to be in danger and I wish you wouldn't have to testify or whatever you have to do. I just want you do know that you've got a family here and we will support you. I guess there is not much we can do about this man, but if you need support in any way, or someone to talk to, we will do everything we can."