The shoulder you cry on, the dose that you die on

Chapter Eight - Painkiller

Chapter Eight

Alicia could see the surprise on Jay's face when he opened the door. The bruise on his face was fainted and less visible. He was wearing black sweatpants and a dark grey shirt, and his hair was still damp from showering.

"Hi", he said, one eyebrow raised.

"Hi", she echoed. "I just... overheard at Med that you've been released, and I wanted to see how you are."

"Thanks, I... Come on in." He stepped a side to let her in and closed the door behind them. "I just made coffee, you want some?"

"Thank you, yes", she said and got out of her jacket. For a second she regretted coming here, as he was hesitating before letting her in, and she didn't want to be intrusive. But when he came back from the kitchen with two cups of coffee, the cautious look on his face was gone.

"So, do you look after all patients of yours that well?", he asked, the corner of his mouth lifted to a smile.

"Only the cute ones who walk me home." She immediately bit her lip. Oops. She was used to herself saying things before she could stop herself and think about it first, but usually she was able to play it down. She grabbed the cup and carefully took a sip of the hot coffee. When she looked up again, he was still looking at her with that smile. Damnit. Alicia, you're a grown ass woman, get your act together, she bawled herself internally. So she sat up straight and returned that look.

"So, tell me, how are you? What did the doctors say?"

Jay shrugged his shoulders, getting serious. "No internal injuries, I should be fine in a few days."

Alicia nodded. "Good. Hey, I'm not entitled to ask, we don't know each other that well, but... What happened there, what did they do to you?" Now he was the one looking away, starring into his cup. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I was on an undercover mission. And it went south, and they tried to torture some information out of me."

"Oh", was all she could say. On one hand, she wanted to change the topic, on the other hand she wanted him to tell her more. Not out of a morbid curiosity though. She just had to think about what he must've been through the whole way here. "That must've been..."

"...what I was trained for in the Army", Jay mumbled and for a split second his face frowned like he couldn't believe he just said that out loud. Alicia decided not to comment this.

"Have you talked to someone besides the doctors, like-"

"I'm fine, really."

Ah. She knew that. That certain tone of voice when someone said fine without meaning it. It's the 'please shut up and fucking take that answer' kinda tone she used herself a lot. For now, she did him that favour. Not because she didn't care, but because she had a feeling, she couldn't change his mind on that, just like that. "Okay, then."

He was still looking at his hands, holding the cup of coffee. She looked at his arms, the muscles of his forearms, the freckles on his skin, the facial hair that's been a bit longer since she saw him last time. "I'm just glad you're fine, Jay." Alicia cleared her throat and looked around his apartment while trying to find another topic to talk about. Jay put his mug down and turned towards her. "I was thinking about what you said that day. That you were calling me?"

When Alicia looked back at him, she didn't know what to make of his expression. "Well", she started, putting her cup down as well, "considering why you didn't pick up it's kinda ridiculous to tell you."

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, now I'm even more curious."

She sighed. She could feel her heart beat faster, but she had already been at the point of asking him out, so why not now. "Okay, so, I was gonna tell you that I liked the evening we had at Molly's, and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to do that again one time, too. But I guess that has to wait, alcohol doesn't go that well with painkillers I'm sure they prescribed you."