When I Was Alphie

Chapter Twelve / Anna's Skull

Chapter Twelve / Anna's Skull

Thanksgiving comes and goes in a blur of hands dusted with flour, boxes of stuffing mix, a turkey that was kept in the oven for twenty minutes too long because I nodded off when the timer went off, and a tearful but wonderful announcement.

I guess I should backtrack.

If the Clause family knows how to do anything, it's Thanksgiving. We like to eat; turkey, cranberry sauce, homemade cornbread, baked brie drizzled with honey. For as long as I can remember, we've always had exclusively immediate family gatherings on Thanksgiving, where my friends would sometimes drop by for dessert later if they could fit in any more food after their dinners with their own families.

Because my contact with James had been limited since he grabbed me and I screamed at him before locking myself in the bathroom, I was nervous to see him again. I knew I'd been wrong; it's the admitting that I was wrong what made me anxious. I wrote him a remorseful letter, decided that was too melodramatic, and switched to a text message, then scrapped the two because I knew talking to him would be better than hiding behind written words.

On Thanksgiving, there was no awkward moment between me and my brother like I worried. James came with Laura, bringing an aura of excitement between the two of them. Upon seeing me, he promptly embraced me, spun me around several times until I was shrieking, and then set me down with an elbow nudge and a forgiving smile. It's not hard to make up with James, his apologetic expression and gesture of camaraderie was better than verbal make up could be.

It was over dinner that I could sense something was afoot; Laura was exchanging this strange look with James, who seemed overly excited about the holiday, and there was tangible energy between the two. When James announced he had to tell the family something, I was both terrified and excited about what that might be. While I hoped for news that they'd be moving back to Connecticut, he adopted a puppy, or maybe was sending us on an all-expenses-paid vacation, the reality was much more touching.

Laura is pregnant.

The family was uproarious; my mom and dad cheered. Of course, her pregnancy was slightly concerning; they're both only twenty-four, hardly started in their careers, and still have a wedding to plan after they decide to take the next step of their relationship. Still, it was obvious how happy they were.

I cried a little bit; I don't know why. Sometimes it's like my skin is paper-thin, the twists and turns of life too much for me, be they wonderful or terrible. My joyful congratulations were punctured by tears; in response, James wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "You'll be an uncle," he murmured into my ear, "And always my favorite."

The pregnancy was an accident; Lauren forgot to take her birth control pill for a few days, she and James went to a party with a hot tub...well, I got the idea and tried to shut them up pretty quickly before I received any more details on how their mini-me was conceived. I was very happy, and for the first time in a while, I felt like my family was closer than they'd ever been. No one bothered me about what I was wearing, asked me how I was "feeling", or tried to cajole me into some manly post-Thanksgiving-dinner football throwing. Suddenly, all the attention was finally on this new life growing inside of Laura's womb, instead of me.

Which, I suppose the thought of new life in and of itself always fills me with a bittersweet feeling. Jealousy and joy for others frequently go hand in hand in my life. I wanted to ask Laura questions, not about the sex - disgusting - but what it was like to be pregnant, how it felt to be a woman, and if she ever thought about how perfectly her uterus worked.

James and Laura left after a few days, both of them embracing me, him patting me on the back and saying, "Listen up little gremlin. I know where you live, you better call me or I'm going to come after you!"