Who...?

1

Ｊｉｓｕｎｇ'ｓ ｐｏｖ

How would you describe the feeling of loneliness in a way that someone who has never felt lonely could understand?

When you have nobody to talk to or hang out with or anything. Not just once in a while, which is a pleasant break for some people. All the time. Knowing that this is it. That no matter how kind and nice you are, nobody is going to think to call you and ask you to do something. If you ask them, they will say they are busy or can't. Every single time. Sitting in an empty house, looking at the same 3 websites repeatedly all day long. Going to the the park alone...and then wanting to leave immediately because you are there alone and not by choice.

You are surrounded by so many people but not one of them understand you.

You want to be with someone but you have no one.

There are so many thoughts in your mind, so many emotions; but no one to share them with.

You constantly check your phone for a message from someone, asking if you’re okay. But then you realize everybody is too busy in their own lives.

You appear happy outside but you’re screaming for help inside.

When your happy memories are supposed to cheer you up, but they actually make you cry.

You feel hungry but don’t want to eat.

You don’t enjoy doing what you love anymore.

They say they understand, when they’re not even listening.

"I am done Doctor chan"

"Here let me see it" said the pale skin muscle guy in front of me.. I was in a clinic to meet a Physiatrist.. He was wearing a black shirt.. He had blonde hair.. A dimple always showing whenever he smiles.. His clinic was in black colour theme. Maybe he likes the colour black

I handed him the paper where I wrote the answer of his question.. He looked it and started reading it.. He would gasp or frown on every sentence

"Man now I also feel lonely reading it" he said.. It was funny and I wanted to laugh but I couldn't.. I don't even know what a smile is.. It's been decades since I last smiled

" Do you maybe Wanna talk about it? "He asked and I shook my head.. I really wasn't ready to talk about it.. I wasn't ready to talk about my past neither about myself..

" it's ok... So I am the... ? "
"You are the fourth Physiatrist I have been to" he widened his eyes hearing my answer

"What's your most favorite thing to do? ""Painting, Writing and singing song... But now I am losing interest over them"

"Whom do you live with?"" Alone "

"What do you do for living?"" My family was very wealthy so I didn't had to do anything till age 15 but now I work to earn money for myself..I draw paintings and sell them.. Or sometimes sing.. But now I just don't feel like to do this things"

He nodded as he write all my words in a diary

"Ok Mr Han.. That's all for today.. See you tomorrow" the doctor smiled displaying his dimples.. I just nodded and got up grabbing my coat from the sofa

I got out of his clinic.. Walking through the streets.. It was Saturday.. The road was empty.. No one around me.. I put my hands in my jacket pocket.. It was a bit cold today.. I felt like the time was passing very very slowly.. It felt like the time was also taunting me and tormenting me

I decided to just go home and sleep. I walked towards the train station..