Reclusive- s.r

twenty-one

Spencer Reid

tw: mentions of attempted sa

I can't sleep.

I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in since I had my heart broken in this very room. It sucks, waking up in the morning and coming home to a constant reminder of everything that went wrong in my relationship. I still can clearly see the look on Vega's face, and I can remember the feeling of my chest clenching in the most painful way.

I had known something was off, I had known for awhile, and I thought that if I tried my best to be good to her, then maybe we'd move past it. But maybe that was my mistake, brushing over the problem rather than facing it head-on. I thought that if I could make her happy, we could forget about the future and she'd lose her doubts about my abilities to make her happy. If I wasn't so torn apart, I would have told her that my inability to make a decision regarding my future had little to do with her.

I've been experiencing a bit of a dilemma for some time now, and I'd never told her about it. As a matter of fact, I'd felt guilty for keeping it a secret from her in the first place. For so long, I had always pictured myself working as a researcher, or a doctor maybe. I'd always pictured myself wanting to help people. Now, the business card I keep in my wallet tempts me, and I'm not sure why.

For months now, I've been having the occasional phone call with a profiler I'd met a few months ago. I told myself I wasn't interested, but I couldn't resist calling, not after he'd told me that I could be a great aspect to their team. It sounded exciting and interesting, and I never thought I'd have the chance to even consider doing it, so it was something enticing, and I couldn't help but inquire about it.

If Vega had answered any of my text messages, I might have been able to tell her that none of it was about her. That she wasn't holding me back, not in the least. I wanted to tell her that if not for her, then I probably wouldn't have called in the first place, and I probably wouldn't have considered it.

But maybe her breaking up with me was the necessary wake-up call needed to get me off my ass. Instead of thinking logically, I did what I wanted to do, and I grabbed the business card and called the number again. Then I grabbed an acceptance letter to another school and I committed to it, I'll be living there in the fall.

In DC. Vega's going to be in DC.

Now, when I finally get the chance to tell her, I'm sure she won't be pleased with me. She'll think I did it to be with her, and yes, I'll admit that it was a contributing factor, but I am genuinely pleased to have this opportunity. If things work out for me, I'll be able to have my PhD in just under two years, while I can simultaneously complete my mandatory training for the FBI while doing so. Doctor Spencer Reid, a profiler. I think it has a bit of a ring to it.

I've been trying to reach Vega to tell her the news, and every time I do, the photo of her at the top of my screen taunts me. I haven't run into her anywhere, and my calls go unanswered whenever I try, and I'm thankful that she's not petty enough to block my number.

As I walk into the cafe before my next class, I think the lack of sleep is really starting to get to me, because there's a woman in a booth by the window that resembles Vega so much, I'd swear it was her. But there's no way it could be-

She looks up and meets my eyes, and I try to hide the shock on my face, and also the pure happiness that I've finally run into her. I also feel a pit of sadness because her under eyes have circles under them, and her eyes look tired, her lips turned downward into a frown.

When she notices me, her eyes widen and she's immediately dropping her head to her computer, using her bangs to cover her eyes. That's right, she has bangs now, and a new haircut, too. Her long hair must have been bothering her to the point where she'd finally cut it and donated it, and ended up sporting some new bangs in the process. Her hair rests just below her collarbones, and I can't deny that I love the new look on her. Then again, I'd probably think she was just as beautiful either way.