TGE Reviews

🌠The Winter Witch of Jorguldheim

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BOOK TITLE: THE WINTER WITCH OF JORGULDHEIM
AUTHOR: RobClark5
GENRE: Fantasy
REVIEWER: Lilly

📚SCORE POINT📚
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•Cover: 8/10

•Blurb: 7/10

•Writing Style & Presentation: 20/20

•Character & Dialogue Development: 18/20

•Plot Originality & Development: 17/20

•Grammar & Punctuation: 18/20

📚TOTAL POINT: 88/100

📚REVIEW📚

I love the cover, I think it’s perfect for the story. We have the MC, we have the blue mist representing the snow and we have black around the edges which I am guessing represents the darkness that comes when destiny becomes brutal. So, yeah it is a beautiful cover just watch out for missing words; your subtitle is missing the word, ‘BE’ right between ‘can’ and ‘kind’.

As for the blurb I also love it but I feel like some words could be taken out to make the message clearer. I’ll take the first paragraph for instance;

‘Destiny can be kind, or destiny can be brutal. For one woman, the choice to fight for the destiny and dignity could cost her everything she holds dear.’  (✖)


‘Destiny can be kind or. . .it can be brutal.
For Queen Ixnja the choice to fight for her destiny and dignity could cost her everything she holds dear.’(✔)

I am guessing the ‘one woman’ in the first paragraph is Queen Ixnja, so forgive me if I am wrong for using her name, I feel it puts the opening on a different light of comprehension.

Like, I stated I really love the blurb, restructure your sentences a bit and it will be perfect.

I have always admired the way you write your stories. You connect with the world you’ve created so well it’s almost impossible to see you breaking from it. Your style and presentation makes reading your stories an experience equal to a visit to the cinemas to see a wonderful movie. Absolutely amazing!

Watch out for dialogue punctuations for they are also very important. I noticed that you are fond of starting the word after a closing quotation with a small letter; whether the quotation ended with a comma or a full stop you followed it with a small letter. For instance:

‘Haust Ragardsson, it has been some.’ the gruff response from Lokka Rageblood boomed around the hall as the two men embraced and patted each others back aggressively. (✖)

From the above, since your dialogue ended with a full stop, the next word after the quotation mark should start with a capital letter.

‘Haust Ragardsson, it has been some.’ The gruff response from Lokka Rageblood boomed around the hall as the two men embraced and patted each other’s back aggressively.(✔)

Another instance;

‘You welcome our halls with your presence, it is good that today we can put our hostilities behind us.’ he said while patting Lokka on the shoulder, his smile hidden behind a deep bushy charcoal beard. (✖)

The first instance I extracted from your book, the tag that followed was an action tag, that’s why ending it with a full stop was ideal. But for the instance above, the tag that follows it, is a combination of a dialogue tag (he said, she said e.t.c) and an action tag (he patted her shoulder, Lokka smiled e.t.c); so it will have to end with a comma instead of a full stop.

‘You welcome our halls with your presence, it is good that today we can put our hostilities behind us,’ he said while patting Lokka on the shoulder, his smile hidden behind a deep bushy charcoal beard.(✔)

There are more rules to dialogue punctuation and we are all still trying to get it right, so I’ll suggest you read a few articles on the subject and come back to edit your work.

In as much as I understand the story, I’ll look into the plot development as a new reader. The story is very thrilling but I felt some information were withheld from the readers. For instance, at the first chapter, Rageblood tries to force himself into the Queen’s bed and she refuses and the encounter gets ugly; then at chapter two she is being tried for being a witch, I understand that Rageblood cooked it up somehow but I would have loved to see a slower break down of the events; how did her powers start affecting the people? Why wasn’t it mentioned earlier? (chapter one gave the impression that the people loved her. . .) so for them to just start trooping in like that without an explanation of what Rageblood actually did was sort of confusing.

Then again this seem to have happened a few days after the party, so if what exactly happened in between those days could be shown, I think it will be better and clearer.

Secondly, the part where she gets taken for the death walk, I think her survival needs to be shown. I mean, how did she survive the ice cold water?

This part to me was like the highest twist for someone who hasn’t read any book in the elemental sorceress. So withdrawing that and just making us understand or guess how it happened from the ensuing chapters destroyed that beautiful intense moment in the book.

I think this because I believe this was the moment when her powers manifested, so bring it out to light; give us the drama.

It is a short story but I don’t think adding more words will spoil anything, rather I think it will make it an even better and enjoyable piece that will make people want to see more of her.

I finished the book and I was like, ‘Oh! So that’s where the dragon rider came from. . .’ I have come to know that the Faeordics are very interesting people and this story didn’t fall short.

From the Queen herself, down to the maid nursing her baby, everyone left behind a tale. I have read almost all available books in the series I found it easy to review and I really enjoyed all characters and the thrill was just amazing! (If you enjoy adventure then you have to read all books and short stories available in this series)

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