Ballad of an over thinker

Hate that I don't hate you

I hate that I don't hate you

And it honestly tears me apart

The bane of my current terrors

And the cause of my nightmares

is you.

And I hate you.

But I don't.

I've never been scared of anyone the way that I was scared of you

The threats and the deceit should've been it

I should have called it quits

But I didn't

And they weren't

I stayed anyways

Through the tears, the yelling, the manipulation

Through the humiliation, and the pain

Because even though it was usually painful

There were always moments where it wasn't

And those moments made me hold on

The laughs, the smiles, the happy

The warmth that echoed off of you

Even if it was all fake

And the only reason I can't hate you

Is because of those memories

Because in those I fell in love

And got trapped in your game

And all I've got to show for it is the scars that you screamed at me for

And the panic that takes over when I hear your name

I wish that I hated you

I honestly do

It would make everything so much easier

And I might actually be able to get over you