Ballad of an over thinker

I am scared of you

I

Am so scared of you

Not that you are going to hurt me

But that you're going to be too good to me

I don't know how to deal with that

And it scares me

I am horrified when you look at me and smile

Hold me and laugh and your eyes shine

It's not you that scares me

But the thoughts that come through my head

When you make me happy

I'm constantly pushing away thoughts of pushing you away

Constantly in a battle with my brain that for once

Someone

Might actually want more than to break me

I don't know how to act

And it scares me

I don't want to break you

Because I feel like I'm too broken to love

How could you want me

Surely there's something else

Something I can't yet see

But I can't even begin to explain how bad this is scaring me