Alive

Secrets

"Zariah, I'm gay!" I yell almost too loud. I didn't even mean to say it, I just wanted her to shut up. Instinctively, I bring my hand up and slap in over my mouth, eyes widening in surprise.

That's the first time I've ever said it out loud.

A very loud gasp sounds from the door of the room, followed by the sound of a keychain hitting the floor. Both of us snap our heads to the noise, only to see that there's a red-haired nurse stood at the door. Fuck. She must've come in while we were areguing.

She looks young, and incredibly startled.

Zariah looks at me, and then back to the nurse at the door, and then back to me, cringing visibly. "Not being funny, I think you're a little fucked, mate."

Helpful.

The woman now composes herself, looking around before whispering something about needing to tell someone, and running out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

We sit together in awestruck silence for a momet.

"You know, I really didn't peg you as a gay guy."
I look up to her unhelpful voice and let a whimper escape my mouth. It only takes around two seconds of silence for me to start violently sobbing. What are they gonna do to me now they know? I'm not sure what happens, but next thing I know, Zariah has wrapped me in a strong hug, rubbing my back softly, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. We stay silent for a while.

"I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay."

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About twenty minutes has passed, and nobody has come in yet. Zariah and I have relocated to sit on the windowsil. I swing my legs slowly, trying to calm myself down. "Is it, l-like, bad?"

"Hm?" She looks over to me, slightly confused.
"The uh, el-electroshock therapy. I'm a-assuming they'll give it t-to me too."

Her face falls, and she looks out of the window. "I would be lying if I said it wasn't shitty. But uh, you'll get used to it."

I nod, not really liking that answer.

"Do you have a boyfriend, then?"

I actually snort out loud, shaking my head. "God, no."
"Really? Not one of those boys in that picture are yours?"

"No, no. I don't think of any of them like that. P-Plus, I'm like, 99% sure that tw-two of them are canoodling. They just won't admit it."
"Canoodling? What are you, five?"
"Shut up, y-you know what I m-mean."

She slides off the windowsil, picking the picture up from a bedside table.
"Okay, well, tell me about them."

I look at the picture again. "Well, theres Patton," I point to him, he's using one hand to give a peace sign, and the other is behind Logan's head doing bunny ears. "He's kind of the optimistic one. Next to him th-there is Logan. He's like the opposite. Well, he's not a p-pessimist but he's just more s-serious."

"And then, Roman and R-Remus. They're the ones that look similar, Irish twins. Remus is the one I'm closest w-with out of all of them. Th-that's because he moved to my school."

For a moment, I forget about all my problems, just thinking about my friends. But, everything has to come to an end.

I'm about to start talking about Roman when the door swings open, and Mr Tondene stands there, looking angrily at me. Not angry in the 'I'm going to yell at you way'. Angry in the more serious way, and, in my opinion, that's much more terrifying.

He stands in the door for a moment, then swiftly walks towards us.

"Lying little faggot."

I cringe, sliding off the windowsil and stand. I haven't even been here for 12 hours. Mr Tondene continues to walk very sternly towards me, allowing Zariah a moment to step away. "I can't believe you. I really thought I could fix you. Do you know how much extra effort it's going to be to cure you?"

I've started crying again at this point. I hate confrontation. No, not crying, genuinely sobbing in utter despair. Nobody was meant to know.

"I've telephoned your parents. Your father has gone out of town, but, your mother will come in tommorrow or the day after for a little chat with me."

I nod, sniffling.

"For the meantime, you'll go through your regular treatment with the same therapies that Zariah and everyone else like you here does on top. I'm incerdibly dissapointed in you. Do you understand?"

"Yes s-sir."
"Good. We'll be moving the two of you into another room since I can't have you," He points to Zariah. "in the same room as other women, and I now can't have you, Virgil, in the same room as other men. God, you make my job so much more difficult than it needs to be. Apologise, both of you."

"I'm s-sorry sir."
"Sorry, I guess."

He hums in satisfaction, turning and leaving. The two of us are now alone in the room with Head Nurse Beckett, who followed the hospital owner in. She purses her lips. "Chop chop. Get your stuff, I'll give you thirty seconds."

"We're moving right now?" The other girl asks, concernedly.
"Yes."

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"The only room for two that we have left is in the basement, it's not as scary as it sounds." Nurse Beckett speaks very solemnly. "I would say I'm sorry, but I would be lying. I have little sympathy for any of the children here."

How reassuring. I don't know what I'm going to do when we get out of here.
I feel ill. Nauseous. I have one of the worst headaches of my life.

This room is a lot darker than the last one. Probably because there isn't any windows. It's a quarter of the size, and has one singular bunk bed opposed to two induvidual beds. The walls are white, and the floor is concrete. It feels like a prison cell.

I dump my bag by the foot of the bed. "S-so.. do you want-"
"I want bottom bunk. I'm not climbing up a ladder to have to sleep every night."

"Yeah, fair en-enough."
It's only about 3pm, but I climb up the five-runged ladder and onto the thin matress of my new bed. I shove my head into the pillow, lying on my stomach, feeling the bars of the bed under the matress digging into my skin. I can hear Zariah shuffling around on the ground, but I don't pay attention.

I don't remember crying, but, when I bring my head up from the pillow, it's stained with salty tears.

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