Helveryst Series #2 : The Cassanova and The Hater

Chapter 25 - In Denial

"Yes, I did. I fucking did even it's against my will. Pinilit ko pa ngang libangin ang sarili ko na makipag-date sa iba pero ikaw pa rin ang laman ng puso't isipan ko. Sinabi mong layuan kita dahil ayaw mo sa mga lalaki, ayaw mo sa'kin. But after seeing you going out with another guy, I felt like I was betrayed even if I don't have the right to. Why do you have to lie on me?!" He sounded so hurt and I hate to feel that too.

Sabihin na nating close na kami dahil sa palaging kong pagpansin sa kanya kahit na ikinaiinis ko 'yon. He's willing to open up some things to me even if I don't do the same. Hindi niya ako kinukulit na sabihin ang mga problema ko na para bang iniintindi niya ako. He's always on my side and kept on bugging me around no matter how I pushed him away.

No'ng umamin siya sa'kin, hindi ko maisip kung anong nararamdaman ko. Like, it's nothing new to me but his presence gave shivers to my body. Na para bang may something sa kanya na wala sa iba.

And that's what I'm afraid of...to have feelings for a guy. Again.

"Bakit hindi mo na lang pilitin ang sarili mong iwasan ako kagaya ng ginagawa ko? I'm also trying my best to avoid you because in the end, ako lang naman 'yong kawawa. It's better in this way, Shael." Tinalikuran ko na siya at akmang pipihitin ang doorknob nang mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang pala-pulsuhan ko at sinandal ako sa pinto.

He stared at me with his serious look, not planning to blink his eyes."So you want this? Gusto mong nagkakasakitan tayo, gano'n? O baka naman ako lang 'yong nasasaktan sa'ting dalawa. Do you have feelings for me?"

Sinubukan kong magpumiglas at higitin ang kamay ko pero ayaw niya akong pakawalan. I suddenly felt weak because of his aura that's why I didn't bother to move. Ang tanging nagawa ko na lang ay ang umiwas ng tingin sa kanya.

"I-I...don't like you. Let me go! Sinasayang mo ang---"

Para akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko nang bigla niya akong halikan ng madiin. I couldn't think properly and my body was in struck because of what he's doing. Napapapikit na lang ako sa tuwing didiinan niya at kakagatin ang pang-ibabang labi ko. But eventually, I already found myself responding on his kisses.

Nababaliw na talaga ako pero hindi ko mapigilan. It took minutes before he stopped to catch his breathe. Ako naman ay hindi pa rin makagalaw at nakatitig lang din sa kanya.

"Now, tell me straight to my eyes that you don't have feelings for me. After we kissed, you still think of avoiding me again?" he said seductively.

Umurong na ang dila ko at hindi na makapagsalita. What's happening to me?! I need to get back to my senses before I fell on his trap. But it's too late because I already did.

"I like you. Happy?" diretso kong sagot sa kanya.

I saw how his reaction changes and his hold loosen up. Mabilis ko namang nabawi ang kamay ko at nagmamadaling pumasok sa loob ng condo ko bago pa man siya makapagsalita. My heart beats faster so I decided to drink some water, hoping that it would come back to it's normal beat. Huminga na rin ako ng malalim, paulit-ulit na pero ayaw pa rin.

"Shit naman, Zeriel! Why did you tell him your feelings? Paano kung pagsamantalahan niya ang nararamdaman mo sa kanya?" I messed up my hair because of frustration.

This what I'm feeling right now is not necessary. I had to stop this but how could I? Hindi ko naman kayang diktahan ang puso ko na tumigil sa pagtibok ng mabilis. Argh! I know it's because of him! Damn!

Okay. I'm in danger zone but I should calm myself down. Pretend that nothing happened and erase that scenario from my head. Simple like that. Tama.

Binuksan ko ang laptop ko at tiningnan ang files kung saan ko nilagay ang ipri-print ko. My things here inside my condo were all complete just in case I'll runaway from home. Kinuha ko rin lahat ng notes ko para pagsamahin, 'yong mga natitira kong ire-research para i-print nakahanda na sa side table, pati na rin ang folder kung saan ko ilalagay ang lahat ng summary ng ire-review ko.