ME Survivor (Book 3)

My Life Story (Not a Poem)

        It wouldn't be until years later that she acknowledged how bad it was and that she didn't understand the full extent of it because she was brought up in a different country. Somewhere in there, I'd had enough and grabbed one of my dad's ties and put one end around my neck and the other on a door handle and pushed with my hands and feet (it wasn't a very thought out plan) but I was in so much raw pain I didn't care. It didn't work and I covered the red marks on my neck with sweaters. Finally, my parents took me to my first psychiatrist. She was the one who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. Somewhere, in one of those sessions I blurted out about the first grade teacher hitting me; the memory had come back.

        The shrink was mortified and asked if she could tell my parents about my suicide attempt and the teacher thing. I gave her permission. I figured if my parents didn't believe me or listen to me, perhaps they'd listen to a professional. When they first heard it....there was a lot of denial but she sat them straight. That if they wanted their daughter, their only child to live, they had to get their heads out of the sand and start helping. So they started paying more attention but it was a slow process. One good thing happened from being in the drama club in 8th grade, I started very slowly, finding my voice. And it started with a member of the cast standing up for me to the bully who called me ugly. I had never had anyone stand up for me before. So in my eyes this awesome young man named Danny will always be my hero. After that I told the drama director about the bullying and gave her an ultimatum which I'd also never done before. I told her that it was either me or the bully. She booted him.

        HS was slightly easier though not by much. I still sat alone at lunch and got picked on including some sexual harassment by one teacher who would only give out A's to girls who wore short skirts. It was quite nasty actually. After I graduated I learned they made him department head. More like department ass. I had a bit more friends then but I was still bullied by teachers like music and drama director. For some weird reason they thought they were superior. My grades were never good because I was always anxious and depressed and since my parents were still in semi denial they told me that they only job I would ever get if I didn't get my grades up were at McDonald's. It's haunted me till this day.

        No other time was that more evident then during one show when the drama director and his then wife took me aside into some room and berated for being mean to my actors (seniors got to be directors). They heard the story from a third person and never having verified it with my actors, just unleashed on me. I was so pale I thought I was going to throw up. When I told my actors what happened and I was near tears, they were appalled and went to clear the air with the director who never apologized to me.

        Next came the car accident. Being driven home from a cast party one night; the kid driving me home and a few others wasn't paying attention to where he was going and slammed into the car in front of us going 60mph on a 15 mph tiny pitch black road. 8 people total with me being injured; me being the worst. Long story short, the drama director knew who was injured, considering I came to school with a cane and had a bump on my forehead the size of a tennis ball, he made sure all the others were fine who had scratches and such but never asked me how I was. I missed 4 days of school that week. Not once did he approach me to see how I was doing. The migraines I started having from that crash were mind splitting; I had a bad concussion and a hematoma on my forehead that I still have till this day over my left eyebrow. I saw different neurologists who gave me different pills but what ultimately helped was acupuncture. I quit the drama club after that. I'd never quit anything. But I lost all respect for the director as a human being and couldn't be under his direction anymore.

        To add insult to injury at the end of the year, the drama club voted me worst dressed and he had a wonderful laugh at my expense. I wanted to strangle him.