One Step Ahead Part II | Sirius Black

Chapter 199

His voice breaks, eyes clenching shut. He exhales sharply through his nose, pulls his hand from her gentle grip. He turns so that he won't have to see her when he opens his eyes, so he won't see red coating her throat instead of the blue of her eyes.

"My family," He mumbles hollowly. "My family is full of demented, despicable people. People that would kill for nothing other than the joy it brings them. My mother was a vile woman and my father....my father was the worst of them."

"It's okay to feel something for them, Sirius."

He scoffs at the warmth in her voice, taking his hands through his hair. He nearly buckles when he feels her presence join him, hovering just behind him. And then she's touching him, sliding her hands up his back and around his torso. He fights the urge to peel her off of him, to distance himself further. She knows him too well, she knows too much of everything.

"You won't touch me," Gwen whispers, and Sirius reminds himself to breathe when she presses her cheek against his back. "You won't touch me because you feel for your parents."

"I feel angry," Sirius spits, shaking his head aggressively. "I fucking hate them. I hate all of them. I'm glad they're dead."

It's silent again, a tense lack of noise that leaves him feeling like he's underwater. Gwen wouldn't let him drown.

"And yet you're sad," She murmurs. "Because we all want our parents to love us. We want our parents to be good, to see the good in us. That's not foolish, Sirius. That's not despicable. How kind of you to mourn the life you wish you'd had? To mourn the mother and father that could have been. I don't think that's something to hate yourself for. I think it's something you should grow to accept."

Sirius' head slumps forward from the weight of her words. He was so scared of hurting her. So scared that the darkness of his ancestors was so deeply rooted, that it was only a matter of time before the universe would take her from him as punishment for his parent's sins. Scared that he still wanted a father and a mother that would love him, would be proud when he brought home the woman he wanted to marry.

Her arms disappear from around him and he grows cold, eyes shutting until he smells jasmine and feels warmth in front of him.

"Touch me."

Sirius winces, eyes still shut in an attempt to put off facing her. Merlin, it was hard to face her in times like these. His heart was in the palm of her hand, so vulnerable. So guilty.

"You don't think I'm a bad person?" He whispers, only opening his eyes when he hears her laugh. He watches, full of awe as her head tilts back and her unruly hair catches the morning light and turns to spun gold in front of him. He'd face his demons if only to see her like this, joyful. Pure. Unassuming.

She finally looks up at him, smiles brilliantly as she says simply, "I think you're a person."

It seems pointless to ask what she means. He knows. He's a person. Good, bad, ugly, happy. He was a person that was related to bad people, people that would take her from him. And he could mourn the people he so badly wished could be good, he could mourn that he hadn't been enough to change them.

The Veela waits patiently, dimple deepening as he slowly raises his hand. He hesitates for a brief moment, hovering over the smooth expanse of her skin. And then he reaches out, traces the scar that wraps around her throat like a necklace.

He nearly pulls back when she lifts her hand too, when she grabs his wrist and pulls his hand closer. Sirius blinks, flexing his fingers as his hand gently wraps around her throat, the scar disappearing from sight.

"There," Gwen says warmly, and Sirius feels the resistance in him fading away with the last dregs of his family's darkness. He had a family. He had parents, good ones that made him feel proud. He had brothers, ones that would never understand, and one that understood all too well what it was to be a member of the sacred 28.

Sirius chews on the inside of his cheek, breath hitching slightly at the mischief on the Veela's face. Her grip on his wrist tightens and then she's pushing his hand lower, guiding it over the thin fabric of her shirt until it rests on her hip.

"Gwen," He mumbles a warning, cheeks warming when she pushes his hand the slightest bit under her shirt. She just smiles, tilts her head to the side. He wants to kiss her, wants to kiss her even more when she asks boredly,

"You don't want to me to prove that I won't break?"

Sirius feels his heart racing, feels the boyish admiration and adoration surge as she teases, "Don't tell me the Gryffindor bad boy is scared to touch me."

He feels his lips quirk into a grin, cracking through the last bit of sadness and turmoil. His scoff feels real, he feels real and himself when he mutters, "Haven't I made it clear, Inferi?"

Gwen quirks a brow and Sirius just smiles wider, leans in and whispers, "I'm always scared of you"

Her laughter as he picks her up and tosses her onto the bed, her crazy hair that fans out on the pillow as he hovers over her and kisses her smart mouth.

It's what he decides will occupy his dreams from now on.