Lost in Thought : Snippets of an Alternate POV

42 - Memories That Burn

And then he rounded a corner and something small and soft smacked into him. He stumbled back a step, mind registering mid-stride that it was her.

"Lyssa!" he exclaimed in relief, hands automatically raising to grip her shoulders. Careful not to aggravate her wounds, he gently pushed her back so he could see it was really her. He looked her over, noticing her hair seemed darker than it had been a few minutes earlier, and her necklace strangely bare, but he promptly disregarded the details as unimportant.

She was alive and unharmed, he didn't care about anything else. No matter how unrealistic it was. If it was a dream, it was a good dream. And he didn't want to wake up.

He cupped her cheeks, pulling her towards him and bending his head low to meet hers. Careful not to grip her too tight - and beyond grateful that she was alive for him to have to be careful - he moved forward the last few centimeters separating them and finally, finally let his lips brush hers in a gentle kiss, fighting the urge to deepen it when her lips parted in surprise. His mind reached out automatically towards hers, hoping the connection with her would soothe the terrors that kept threatening to wake as it so often had in the past.

She failed to respond, and he finally realized why as the clues came together to form a heartbreaking picture, reality washing over him like a wave.

She couldn't.

Not because she was... what had happened before, but because she literally couldn't. Their bond didn't exist yet. To her, there was nothing joining them.

He should have known. Even his better dreams always ended in pain. Hearts aching, he pulled away abruptly, though he couldn't bear to be parted from her fully just yet. Desperate still for some semblance of their connection, even knowing it would do nothing, he let his forehead rest against hers. He forced his eyes open, seeing reality without the past layered over it for the first time since he'd stepped onto this cursed ship. She was staring up at him in surprise, brown eyes missing the flecks of gold he'd grown so used to seeing, curls still their full dark brown. Necklace and hands still so bare.

Still missing the signs of the life they'd built together.

Knowing he needed to say something, he struggled to find his voice and finally managed to quietly beg, "Don't ever scare me like that again."

The temperature rose another few degrees, bordering on too dangerous for even him if he didn't move quickly, and he forced himself to straighten up, reluctantly releasing her. They didn't have much time, and he needed to find Korwin, or whatever was left of him. He needed to go somewhere far away from ships after this, far away from burning and the memories that branded themselves into the back of his lids each time he closed his eyes. Somewhere cold, somewhere they could relax.

But to do that they had to get off this ship first. He looked Lyssa over one last time, trying to imprint her the way she looked now - whole, healthy, alive - into his memories instead of what he'd been seeing. He left his shields down completely - knowing it was foolish, knowing there were risks - but unable to bear closing off the connection when the memories of when he'd had to do it were still so fresh. He could see the questions in her eyes as he backed away, but he didn't have the time to answer them now, didn't have the strength.

So instead he did what he always did.

He ran.

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A/N: It's funny because this chapter is like the polar opposite of Lyssa's pov. To her, the Doctor comes across as maybe a little stressed, but overall pretty calm and confident, totally got this handled, and then you switch to his, and he's a total wreck and about three seconds away from a nervous breakdown at any given time.

Also! The Doctor's memories/flashbacks are from a canonical event (obviously with the addition of Lyssa) annnnd actually relevant to the Day of the Doctor arc I'm working on right now if you wanted another clue as to when it happens. :D

Soooo yeah, lowkey the Doctor leaving his shields down was why he was taken by the sun. Like, he slipped and looked at it, and that's how it started, but he was more vulnerable because his shields were down.

The next snippet will be loads more fluffy (and flirty), I promise! We're going to be back with Eleven once more, and I'm thinking we'll either do the dancing under the Northern Lights, or possibly a time when a flirty Doctor thought she was much further along than she was ;) (AKA the end of Ch. 86/beginning of Ch. 87 in Lost in Time). Let me know which one you'd rather see first! :)

Any suggestions for future snippets are always welcome! :)

Heyyyy I think this is the closest to an actual drabble I've gotten so far, at 1,500 words! No promises for the next one though, lol. I'm also not sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter of Lost in Time up due to a busy schedule, but I wanted to be able to get this one up for sure. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!

Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! :D

General Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, just Lyssa.