Stray Kids-Hurtfics, Sickfics & Oneschots

⛓️💕Bang chan - Lost a piece

Opening his eyes, he looks at the ceiling, the same way he has been doing for so long. He didn't get much sleep, which is nothing new. The leader feels tired and his limbs feel weak as he makes the effort of getting out of bed, even if he'd rather wallow in self-pity in the comfort of his bed. Dragging himself to the bathroom, he steps in the shower, hoping it will make him feel more refreshed and energized, but he knows it won't.

He knows it won't help one bit, because that's how it's been going for the past few months. He's constantly tired, no energy to do anything, always feeling down, always feeling like he lost a piece of himself. Oh how much he'd like to get that piece back. He has the continuous feeling of a part of him missing, a part of his heart, taking away his happy emotions with it. 

He fights through the busy schedule every time, but only he knows how much it's affecting him. How much he'd just like to disappear sometimes. How much he'd like to feel happy again instead of this constant weight that drags him down every second, getting heavier day by day.

He can't stand the silence. He can't stand being alone with his thoughts. But the night doesn't give him any company, only empty space for him to fill with the whirlwind of thoughts that rages through his mind. Negative thoughts always plaguing him, bothering him for hours on end because he just can't make his body go to rest. The constant repeating of the same few sentences like it's a rhyme, a rhyme that gets repeated over and over and over again till it's like being on autopilot, the same routine over and over and over again. Dance practice, vocal practice, studio, eat, work out, lay awake and if he's lucky, an hour of peaceful sleep without being trapped in nightmares with the same thoughts, the same ideas, the same rhyme.

Sure, he has people that love him and make it obvious for him and for the world to see, but at this point, the only thing he can see or hear are the hateful comments people make, be it online or in real life, they stick and won't let go, they stay for him to repeat in the dark and silence of his room.

Ideas, how can he make this stop, make this go away, keep the rhyme from repeating, keep the routine from going, stop himself from going down into this dark hole that has been created by different people all over the world, that keeps getting deeper. Ideas to make the pain stop, the voices that ring through his head when they aren't interrupted by people in the real world. The world that actually exists, not the one that has been built in his mind by the people telling him that he's not good enough, where he can only see the disappointment in people's eyes, only the frowns and disgusted looks they give him. Where he can't see the proud look people give him, the amazement for his achievements, for his improvements. All the positive has become invisible to him and he's making his feelings invisible to everyone else.

A leader shouldn't cry. How pathetic you are. Can you get out of your bed without all the sulking, all the sighing, all the complaining. You're famous, aren't you? For what even? Your silly little raps, stupid songs, awful rhymes. Do you really think anyone gets comforted by the idiotic words you blabbe-

"Chan hyung, could yo-"

He gets knocked out of his train of thoughts, finally coming back to reality. He's already fully clothed standing in the middle of his bedroom.

"Hyung, you okay?"

Till now he had failed to notice his rapid breathing, his racing heartbeat, his raging headache. His hands are on his upper arms, nails digging into his skin unknowingly, trying to make it all just stop so he can take a breather.

Felix is standing in front of him, worried eyes trying to decipher the situation as he stares at the now bleeding marks on the older's porcelain skin. Finally stepping out of it, he steps closer and gets a firm grip on the other's wrist, pulling them away to prevent any more harm from being done. Slowly stepping towards the bed, he makes the leader sit on the soft mattress, pulling him into his warms embrace, letting his own heartbeat and breathing lead the older to a calmer state.