What I Learned In L.A. (Sequel to What I learned at Hope Springs)

therapy

Brittany

"So tell me about your childhood." "What you mean?" "Okay, how about this. How was your relationship with your parents." I Sighed. I didn't want to talk about my parents. This was my 3rd session, and this lady always asked about my parents. I mean they were my parents. "Okay." Once she saw that I was silent and didn't want to say anything. "Tell me about Micheal." She said. She had asked me to write down a list, 2 things I loved and two things I hated. Micheal was one on my love list.

I smiled. Michael's amazing. He's just...I don't know amazing." I said gushing. I was so consumed with happiness right now, my cheeks  started to hurt from all the smiling. "How long have you been together?" "About two years." "Okay good. "Tell me one thing that you love about Micheal." She said.

"He's perfect." "That's really broad." "Well he is, he just knows me, he knows what makes me smile, what makes me angry. He's the first person who's ever loved me like my dad did. He protects me. He makes sure that I don't hurt, not even a little, not even if it's something I did to hurt me." I mumbled the last part hoping she didn't hear it or acknowledge it.

She shook her head yea, marking whatever she marked on her paper. Let's discuss Chris." "No." "Okay, what about Honey? She was your friend right?" "Yea but she's dead, there's nothing to discuss." "How was your relationship with Chris before him and Honey hooked up?"

Why was she asking me that. "What do you mean? Chris was crazy then and emotional. We escaped from that place and he just lost it, we didn't know he needed medicine until he told us. Before he got it Honey used to stay up and cuddle with him til he went to sleep." "Okay, what about after?" "He was still crazy, but he was over Vivian." "And when Honey broke up with him?" It really wasn't a break up, she just didn't stand up for him, she let so many people talk trash about Chris and his condition, he's a sweet dude. I know about being picked on so I needed to help him."

"We're getting somewhere. Did Chris help you with things as well?" She asked. I shook my head yes. "With Ricky? When you were upset about Ricky did he help you?" "Yea, that's why he's my bestfriend we help each other." "Maybe too much help." she said. I gave her the bitch what face. "Wha you mean too much help, he's my best friend." "With everything I've learned since you've been in your sessions with me, I just feel like you and Chris have become dependant on each other. If you're not physically in pain he is and vice versa so you feed off each other."

This lady was cleary out of her mind. She acting like we do this dramatic shit on purpose. "I'm not dependant on Chris, he's just my bestfriend and we help each other that's it." She wrote something down in her notebook again. I was getting aggravated, "What you keep writing over there? Huh?" I looked at her as she continued to write. I looked at my cell for the time. "You're free to leave any time, you do know that right?" I sighed, I need to be here. This is therapy.

"Ok, let's say I was dependant on Chris?" "But you're not remember... let's move on,"she said.

How were your parents when they were together?" I just sat there staring, "My parents were amazing when they were together. My mom and me used to do a lot of shit together. We'd go to the park and have picnics as a family it was so cool, I loved my parents very much." Were you disciplined." "I was a good kid, I just wanted to make them happy, I never needed discipline." "And when your dad died?" "I took it hard, my mom took it hard, I guess as much as a grieving wife would."

"Um hum. And what did you do to get over it?" "Nothing really just stayed to myself, spent time with my mom." "What did you and your mom do?" " we played Frisbee, went shopping, movies, everything." "So you can say you and your mother had a good relationship?" "Yes, we did, until...up until... well up until Ricky." I stuttered. "We can stop right here, and continue at your next session." I sighed...I had 4 more sessions that my insurance would cover. After these, Micheal would cover some with his insurance. If I was willing to talk now why did she have to stop it.

"I want you to do something, a little homework. "Talk to your mother, for at least 20 minutes, whatever comes out of the conversation just let it flow, but you need to talk to her." She said. I sighed, I didn't want to talk to her. "I'll try." I said simply walking out of her office.

Chris

"I never did anything. He was just such a mean soul. He would beat me for no reason. He would beat my mom." "When he beat your mom, What would you do?" "I was too small to do anything, I couldn't help her, I couldn't help her."

I started to tear up thinking about all the nights I listened to my mom get abused and there was nothing I could do. The lady in front of me passed me a box of Kleenex. "Thank you." I mumbled, taking the box from her hand. "When you were expelled from school for beating your classmate's head into the locker, what were you feeling?" "Angry, confused, lost." "Why?" "I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, everyone hated me, all my friends, my mom, everyone."

"Why do you think that they all hated you?" "I don't know, I felt myself changing, I felt myself getting angry at little things, it could be the smallest thing. Someone looking at me wrong, anything. I was distant, I shut myself off from my friends they thought I was crazy. So to keep it that way I started doing things."

"What kind of things?" "Like dying my hair different colors. Wearing all black, walking with my head down, that way no one would mess with me." "Did it work?" "No, they bothered me just added names to all the shit They called me before?" "Like what? "Faggot freak. Little bitch, they thought I was gay." "Because of your choice to dye your hair?" "Yea."

"How did that work for you when you went away? The name calling?" "The other kids didn't bother me as much, but the counselors did. They would beat me up." "But you had your medicine, so you were calm right?" "Yea, I was good. I just didn't want to be there, I wasn't supposed to be there."

The therapist looked at the clock. "Okay that's our time for today, you did really good today she said. I smiled, my first few sessions were crap. I went out to the car to wait for Brittany we had doctors in the same building but she was there when I got there.

"How did it go Britt Bratt? I asked once I reached the car. "This bitch want me to call my mama, just to talk." She said resting her hands on the top of the car and shaking her head. "I don't wanna call her." She said sadly. I walked around the car. "Give me your phone." She was calling so she better stop all this shit right now. She sucked her teeth but passed me her phone.

I dialed the number, it rung a few times before her mom answered. "Hey Ma, it's Chris.How are you? Yes mamn, we're good, Yea she's ready to have it. A lil girl. " I laughed at what she said. "Actually I called because Britt called you and she couldn't reach you, yes man she's right here, hold on okay." I put the phone on mute. "Look at me." I said to Brittany who was standing there crying. She looked up at me. "Just talk to her okay, that's all. She's still your mama. If he gets on you hang up. You hear me?" "Yea, okay." She said. I pecked her forehead, took the phone off mute, then passed it to her.

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