Between Love and Admiration

Chapter 13

In my last class of the day, the students were talking about the last kickback that the seniors had for the year and how only people who were super cool with them were able to go. One of my classmates wanted it to be well known that he was one of the chosen few and was telling everyone how the seniors were all ready for college and that the only shock was Nick was telling him personally how much he looked forward to getting a fresh start. "So of course I asked my guy, why?! Man, you been the big man on campus all year so you good!" A female student who was really into the story egged him on by asking, "Right! He sound ungrateful, I'd kill for his senior year experience." When the girl behind me shushed her, "So what did he say?"

"He said something about thinking he wouldn't end it single but since he is he just over it", the rest of the class was laughing, thinking he was just referring to being known as single for the first time throughout his entire 4 years at Central. But I knew he was referring to me. I just knew it. Despite his tough demeanor, despite him ignoring me there was a reason he hadn't blocked me. Knowing that he still cared made me feel a little hopeful.

Finals were over and the school year was coming to an end today. I was ready to be done with this place for the summer and all the drama that came from it. We were in Ms. Riley's class for the last day so she wasn't fussing at us for talking amongst ourselves, instead she had instructed us to finally paint. Anything that we felt, the only thing she asked was that we implement the lessons from the duration of the semester. I wasn't feeling it so I just used the paint she told us would dry faster and leave a false matte finish to paint what I called a dark hole. It turned out too dark to make out so I added color to the lines of the swirls so they would bring back the swirls definition. Only because I didn't want to start from scratch. In the end it was a painting that was just a random blob of color to me. However, Ms. Riley walked over and told me she was impressed. "I can feel this Kaia and the story it tells! Well done!" she patted me on the shoulder before walking to the next student. I stared at the canvas and was not impressed so I knew she was saying it to be kind. Since I was done, I went to wash the paint off my hands when I heard her instructing a group of students to start over because they were lacking "effort". She clapped her hands together and asked for everyone's attention, "I know this is the last day guys but that does not mean give me half-assed work. I want you to paint something with feeling or vision, at the very least something that we have talked about over the semester." So she was still serious. Dani walked over to me with her head dramatically low, "How did she give you the ok to stop but not me, mine at least is actually a painting!" looking past her to the mountains she had painted. "Mountains are everyone's go to but a black hole, that's different." I made fun of her some more but looking at my painting, I didn't feel anything so I was curious. "Ms. Riley... can you come here, please?" I asked, when she got to me I asked her what about my painting made it good. "Well for me, it shows feeling. I feel... sad and I get the feeling that the person who painted it was showing how this black hole is pulling away all the beauty of the colors into its darkness." I just looked at her, trying to understand how she got all that from this. The black swirls were outlined by different shades of red, blue, yellows and orange. The dark gray background was also speckled with white throughout. Looking at the canvas and the colors that I had only added to enhance the black but with her thoughts in mind, I could see the opposite. "Kaia, whoever inspired this, it is time you let them go or else you're going to end up just like this painting." I knew she was thinking of Alana but as she walked away, her words resonated with me and I though back to 5th grade.

It's been 5 years since my mom left.

Dad had a new girlfriend who was pregnant with twins. I don't know much about what happened after my sister found me but I woke up and was scared to think about her. Thinking about her was why I was in the hospital.