After The End: Book 1

30. Wanting things that we can't have

"You keep saying that," I agreed. "But he blushes when he speaks of you."

That brought a timid smile to her lips. "I would go to the ends of the earth for him," she said softly. I realized her voice was devoid of its usual humor. I glanced behind myself to make sure the sliding door to the balcony was closed before stepping closer.

"Lux," I began.

She looked at me finally and I saw behind the curtain of her overgrown bangs that her eyes had gone glassy. "Naomi, you told me not to catch feelings for him and I thought I was fine. It's only been a few weeks but when I'm with him, the world makes more sense."

She paused as if in deep thought and then reached for the small table under the cover of the balcony. She produced the sketch book that she carried around with her. She rarely let anyone see what was in it, but she flipped open the pages for me and showed me the intricate drawings of Harry inside. There were several, ranging in detail and size. Some pages were clearly used for multiple smaller concept sketches. I saw Harry asleep, Harry smoking a cigarette, Harry's laughter, Harry cooking, and the angry face he made when she cheated at card games. They were beautiful and looked to be time consuming and thoughtful.

Lux looked at them sadly. "He's my muse. I love him," she told me this as if it were indisputable fact. Her tone was more serious than the last time. "I have always fancied him and you knew that. I've only known him a short time but I love him more than life itself and not being able to have him is excruciating."

I nodded along to her words. I didn't know what to say. With Louis, my love was comfortable and infatuated. Spending time with Louis was like second nature. I felt like I belonged in his presence. For Lux, the way she felt about Harry was intense and passionate. She was describing a system of magnetic attraction where balance only happened around him. I had always wanted to live my own life alongside Louis, but Lux spoke of Harry as if her life simply hadn't begun until he was in it. She surely acted like that was the case. She had never been this way for Steven.

"Don't tell Louis," she added. "I know how the two of you gossip, but Louis thinks I'm going to hurt him and I swear I won't. I don't care if we can't happen. I just want him to be okay."

"Does Harry love you?" I asked her carefully.

"It doesn't matter." Lux smiled softly. "Harry knows better than to entertain those types of thoughts."

That didn't answer the question.

"Don't tell Louis," she repeated. "I don't want to get kicked out."

"You're not ever moving out, are you?" I questioned.

Her true smile came back. "No. Of course not. Not if I intend to wait Harry out."

Later that night when I met Louis in bed, he was waiting for me looking quite expectant.

"Is Lux ever planning to leave?" He asked me cheerfully as I climbed under the covers. He asked me this all the time.

I laughed curling up next to him. I repeated Lux's own words to him. "Of course not."

I thought I should tell him about the two love birds down the hall. I had never revealed that I knew about their "slumber parties." I didn't even know if that was still happening or if it had been a one time thing or even something that was just temporary. Lux came out of her own room in the mornings so I'd just assumed that I didn't really want to know. Lux and Harry had both begged me to keep Louis out of it and I was trying to be content with that but as their feelings for each other became more evident...