my future roommate

Chapter 19: Go on a date with me, Sarawat

"We promise people a lot of things, Tine. But we can't always keep our promises.

I think we should try and wait till the morning — see if something changes."

"Yes, yes. I think that's a great idea."

Sarawat poured in his coffee in his usual cup and we sat down together out on the balcony — Looking at our different worlds. I had never really sat out here because it had always made me realise that even if Sarawat and I seemed to be living in the same apartment, we were from two very different worlds.

"Do you think we are looking at the same sky right now?" I asked.

"I don't know. I can see the full moon from here."

"Its — " I looked away from the sky and stared at the highway outside instead. "Its a stupid half moon, who even cares?"

Sarawat chuckled. "Did you have a good talk with your mom?"

"It went way better than I had ever imagined. I thought she was mad at me. I thought she hated me for who I am. But turns out, it was just a misunderstanding on our part. Someone blocked my number on her phone so we couldn't contact each other. She had been trying to reach me since I left home"

"Who would block your number on her phone?"

"I think..it was dad. The staff in the house wouldn't dare to touch her phone. They have no reason to keep us apart. But get this Wat, mom said, she was planning to come to my college next week just to see me. That means, I was the reason she was on the highway that day. I was the reason she died."

"Tine, you can't blame yourself for this. You are not the reason for anyone's death. Things just happened. That's all."

"If she really died trying to contact me because of a stupid misunderstanding, I don't think I would have been able to live with the guilt. I don't think I would be able to live at all."

Sarawat put his hand over mine and pressed it tightly. "I know, Tine. I know" He was starting to get teary eyed, just like last night. And that's when things clicked.

"Was the — was the blood on your shirt last night, mine?" I asked in a somber voice.

"Yes." He looked away and gave his single word answer.

"But.. but you said I was already dead in your world."

"You were, but when the future changed the last time, things changed — You were alive, only for a little while.

Does that mean he watched me die in front of him? Is that why he has looked so broken ever since he came home. How many times will he have to watch me die like this for this to ever work? Will I even be able to fix this mess?

I intertwined my fingers and I tugged him slightly. "I am sorry you had to see that."

"No, I am the one who should be apologising." Sarawat looked into my eyes. "I am sorry I couldn't save you."

"Its not your fault, Wat."

"May be it was."

"No it wasn't. You are doing everything you can."

"But we are still going wrong somewhere, obviously."

We stayed quiet, hand in hand, for a long time until I finally spoke up.

"You know.. I asked mom to promise me she won't drink or drive at all. But I also made you promise me that you would let me drive you to college on the day of the accident. If the accident happened and your dad is still in the hospital, that means you broke our promise too. But why? Do you remember why you went with your dad that morning?"