After The End: Book 1

27. Revelations

I was finding myself gravitating towards her for companionship. She never left the house either unlike Louis and Naomi who made frequent visits to the outside world, which made it easy. She was my friend. It had been a long time since I'd had a real friend. I definitely wanted to sleep with her, but I literally used to sleep with all of my fake friends too so I didn't consider the fact super important. In the last several years all of my friendships had revolved around sex and drugs and with Lux it just wasn't like that. There was substance. We had real conversations. I was finding that between the jokes and the teasing, we actually talked about real things. She checked in with me when she thought I wasn't doing well. She opened up to me about her family. The point was, we were actually getting close.

It was an afternoon a few days after Louis call with Melvin that we found ourselves alone in the house again. Louis and Naomi were going to go meet with Naomis parents. It was time for them to come clean about the accidental baby. I didn't envy him. He was going to be telling his mum this week too. She would most likely be pretty ecstatic about it. I wished Jay was my mom. My life probably would have been a lot different.

Lux was setting up a board game on the living room floor and I was staring out the window absentmindedly when she said to me, "You had nightmares last night."

She spoke so conversationally about my issues. It somehow made it easier to talk about. "No I didn't," I lied.

"You woke up," she said without looking up from her task. "I felt it. You stared out the window for a long time afterwards."

I hadn't been aware that she was awake for that.

"You can tell me about it," she pressed.

"We don't have to do that." I smiled as if it were a matter of unimportance. I then walked back over and sat across from her with the board between us. She was wearing my pajama pants and a tshirt that I'd been looking for. One of the perks of having her here was that she was quite the domestic. My laundry was always done and folded now. That meant Louis got some respite from me wearing his clothes all the time. The downside was that Lux lived almost exclusively in my clothes.

"So evasive. It's kind of sexy. You have a whole dark and mysterious thing going," Lux mused smiling at me.

"I try," I assured her.

"I keep a running list in my head of all the things you refuse to talk about," Lux informed me. "If you ever go to therapy, I'll write it out for the therapist so she knows where to start."

I smirked. I needed therapy so badly. I couldn't think of anyone who needed therapy more than me. Maybe Louis, since I did traumatize him but I'd died twice now and I thought that counted for something. I wasn't going to therapy. I had tried that years ago at Louis request and found myself skipping more sessions than I actually attended. I wasn't really interested in going again and I hadn't opened up anyways, but I probably should have.

"What else is on your list?" I questioned smiling back at her. "I'll start a list for you too. I could probably help a therapist get acquainted with your daddy issues."

Lux hadn't spoken to her dad in years. She hadn't ever forgiven him for leaving her mum and sisters for another family. She told me it was the primary instigator for her over sexuality. She had decided to tell me this while I was trying to sleep several nights ago. It had been very random and also an overly humorous telling of her troubled life.