Chapter-4

34 4 18

by cryingtowalls

by cryingtowalls

Louis POV

Next morning..........

"UGH I AM STUPID THAT I SLEPT HERE" i screamed internally with my face literally covered with sand. Am complaining but not complaining though. You know what i mean. Like complaining but not complaining complaining. Ugh leave it, i am the weird tommo the tomlinson. The breakup actually drove me crazy, i don't even know what i am speaking. Okay, but the only reason i am not complaining because of the sunrise....It not only looks beautiful but Sunrises are freedom, opportunity, anticipation, solitude.

But i love sunsets more, like, sunset leaves you with a promise of new beginning.. and you know, after sunsets only, moon rises and as Sir Mark twain said "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.". It just fits everyone.

Am i boring you with my nature talk? i guess i am. But can't help, i just love nature. Well sorry for boring you, i will just head to my home right now.

Home.

I shouldn't call that home...

There are clothes all over the floor. There's food splattered all over the microwave. The dirty dishes sitting in the sink stinks. Broken glass bottles and vases everywhere. Sometimes a mess might be frustrating. Anyways i got up and reached "home".

I cleaned the mess a little, cleaned myself up and laying in the bed I just opened instagram. Feels like dust covered my feed. I haven't opened it since like ages.

Opening instagram, i see only 1 headline all over my feed, and that's "Harry styles seen with a woman, they were all cosy. NEW GIRLFRIEND?".

Out of curiosity i clicked 1 of the videos...

It's Selena duh, his friend...but, they WERE friends, are they now?

Why do i care. Louis , stop, you are a hell of an overthinker.

But honestly, if any "famous" person is seen with someone , why does it have to be his/her girlfriend/boyfriend?

Like being "famous" doesn't change the fact we are human.

Why don't people seem to understand that-

My thoughts are interrupted by a large knock at my door. Who might be at my door? I don't have friends, and i bet Eleanor won't visit.

The door knocks again, I finally got up and usually i would look through but I didn't. I opened the door, just in my boxers, and there was this girl there and she just stood there shaking and crying and I was like 'Whoa! What's going on love?' I closed the door and ran away. She is a fan. How did she find me? nevermind.

I looked at the clock. It says 9PM , well practically i didn't eat for more than 48 hours. I am not even hungry.

You know, I've never been this lonely.

I've been in a room full of my uni mates but I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful - awful beyond all - but I never felt that any person could entering the room cure what was bothering me..

When friends feel like paper chains in the rain and the sky holds nothing but the promise of more storms, u know your life is lonely. When all I want is a hand to hold or an arm about my shoulders and none comes, the world becomes cold and empty, a slow poison for the soul. We are born to be loved and nurtured, and to do the same for others. It's times like this I wish I could melt in the rain like those paper people, fade away, anything to stop the ever-present pain. The last week loneliness was my only dependable friend..

Cigarettes ran out, whiskey ran dry.

You remember i once told my friends changed as soon as i became a model?

Let me tell you about it-

As soon as i told them about my career- Their love extended only as far as a social media post, stopping abruptly at the pixelated screen. Their smiles were little yellow faces that stopped coming whenever my world fell apart, which was often. From their posts their lives were one constant party, wine and meals in fancy establishments. Every post fed my loneliness, hacked at the tenuous emotional connections I nursed. I used to only feel the cruel bite of isolation in crowds, now it followed my home.

Only my boyfriend, no , right now ex- THE HARRY STYLES and my only friend zayn was with me , acting normally.

But you probably got it by now- i am the most stupid person. I left him. I broke him.

And probably it was karma that El left me. El broke me.

Little did i realize when i felt asleep , lost in the thoughts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------