DSMP Oneshots

groupchat but make it not all canon

British Purp: THAT DOE SNT MEAN YOU SPY ON US

AmericanInnit: I think we need a witness anyway
AmericanInnit: why do I hear boss music?

do you remember...: PURPLED RUN WHILE YOU CAN

Only Girl Pog: oh shit Tubbo's coming
Only Girl Pog: run

~~~~~

British Purp: oh no
British Purp: my husband
British Purp: its brOKen

~~~~~

Nukes?Maybe: RIP THAT GHOSTBUR AYYYE

do you remember...: TUBBO NO

British Purp: TUBBO ONE OF THE MOST MANIPULATATIVE PEOPLE ON THIS FUCKING SERVER WAS JUST REVIVED DO YOU WANT ME TO PUNT YOU

Nuke? Maybe: ID LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY

do you remember...: PLEASE DONT PUNT MY HUSBAND I THINK ID RATHER KEEP HIM

AmericanInnit: lmao get him Toms

~~~~~

British Purp: Wil and Q are having another custody battle for me
British Purp: might just scream

AmericanInnit: do it. no balls.

British Purp: welp now I have to

Nukes? Maybe: why did I hear Tommy screaming?
Nukes? Maybe: oh
Nukes? Maybe: el oh el

British Purp: Purpled where are you?

AmericanInnit: with Sam but I could be at ur house in 5

Nukes? Maybe: haha Im going to punch Wilbur Soot and Quackity

do you remember...: What happened?

Nukes? Maybe: l8r beloved

do you remember...: kk

~~~~~

do you remember...: SPOOKY SEASON
do you remember...: HALLOWEEN

Nukes? Maybe: Ranboo it is only september

do you remember...: SPOOKY SEASON

Nukes? Maybe: fine
Nukes? Maybe: SPOOKY SEASON

~~~~~

British Purp: PURPLED I REQUIRE ATTENTION
British Purp: IF YOU ARE NOT AT THIS LOCATION: <coordinates> IN EXACTLY THREE MINUTES AND TWENTY-SEVEN SECONDS WE WILL BE DIVORCING AND I AM TAKING SHROUD AND DOGCHAMP

BIG MAN ERYN: divorce??? gayinnit??? hello??? my lawyer will be hearing about this???
BIG MAN ERYN: my lawyer is Freddie btw
BIG MAN ERYN: ISNT PURPLED ADULT
BIG MAN ERYN: TOMMY IS MINOR

British Purp: PLATONIC

AmericanInnit: /P
AmericanInnit: we were platonically married months ago Eryn. he is stealing my riches. he is like Tubbo but considerably less explosive and i am considerably less rich than Ranboo.

BIG MAN ERYN: damn.
BIG MAN ERYN: suck to suck ig

~~~~~

[British Purp changed AmericanInnit to Only Adult I trust]
[British Purp changed their name to not the youngest]

~~~~~

Definitely Human: HAPPY HUMAN BIRTHDAY RANBOO FROM NOWHERE IN PARTICULAR

not the youngest: its your bday?!

do you remember...: Probably
do you remember...: I think Im eighteen
do you remember...: wait-
do you remember...: Tommy NO

[not the youngest removed do you remember...]

Nukes? Maybe: damn
Nukes? Maybe: anyways-

Only Girl Pog: lmao

BIG MAN ERYN: L.

[not the youngest added do you remember...]
[not the youngest changed do you remember... to Adult #2]

Only Adult I trust: welcome

Adult #2: Traumatized minors (not including Drista) down to 66%

Definitely Human: is it good its going down Ranboo from nowhere in particular?

Adult #2: Yes

not the youngest: Yes

Only Adult I trust: Yes

Nukes? Maybe: Yes

BIG MAN ERYN: Yes

Only Girl Pog: meh

[not the youngest removed Only Girl Pog]
[Adult #2 added Only Girl Pog]

Only Girl Pog: :P

~~~~~

Nukes? Maybe: Wen are you gonna bring Shroud to Eret?

Only Adult I trust: Toms is being emotional

not the youngest: IM NOT BEIFN EMOTIOANL
not the youngest: MY BABY ISNT SAFE HERE
not the youngest: LET EM SAT GOODBUE TO MY XHILD IN OEACE

BIG MAN ERYN: child?! Tommy???

Only Adult I trust: later. hes busy
Only Adult I trust: [image]
Only Adult I trust: sadinnit lol

BIG MAN ERYN: THAT IS A HOLE SPIRE WTF

not the youngest: WE DONT TOLERATE SHROUD SLANDER IN THE GROUPCHAT

Only Adult I trust: is Michael with Eret?

Nukes? Maybe: yea. me and Rnaboo are witb them now

~~~~~

A/N wrote most of this in my programming class lmao. *projects fixation on flowers onto Tommy*