✓ forgotten² || yang jungwon

033: lies

"Jungwon..."

"I-I don't know what to feel right now, Eunji. I don't know if I should be happy or hurt." He clenched his jaw, before messing up his hair, "I've never been this confused before. You make me feel like this everytime, do you know that? Seriously, how do you manage to do that to me every time?"

"I-I didn't mean to.." The girl shook her head, her tears never seeming to stop. Seeing him like this...so miserable. And hurt. All because of her, was ripping her apart.

"I should be happy, right? I should be happy that you actually remembered everything. That you had feelings for me all along and that I don't need to put so much effort in bringing back your memories. But I'm not. I'm not happy." He scoffed bitterly, "I'm far from that."

"I'm..so sorry." She repeated, trying her best to pull herself together.

"The whole time, I was with you..." His voice sounded a lot more fragile this time, "The whole time, I was afraid that I looked unreliable in your eyes."

"Jungwon, don't-"

"I wanted to be someone you can trust. Someone that you can share your burden with. I wanted you to have faith in us." He paused, taking a deep breath, "But you never did. All you did was keep secrets from me and lie. You lied and lied and lied. Everytime. Tell me, what was I to you? What did I do wrong? What do you want me to do for you to finally trust me?"

"I do trust you! I do. I really do. I lied, because I wanted to protect you." She managed to say through tears, "I-I wanted to keep you safe. I didn't want you to be hurt-"

"Look at me. Look at me right now. Do I look alright to you? Do I look fine?" Jungwon shook his head, "Fuck, I think I would be better off if you had told me the truth from the the start." He spoke more to himself, ridiculing.

"Jungwon, please. I-I didn't want to hurt you. I am sorry. Listen, I wasn't prepared to actually wake up again and-"

"Be quiet."

"I didn't think I would ever get to see you again. I was afraid that you would blame yourself, if I remembered everything-"

"I told you to be quiet." Suddenly, his hands grabbed the girl's shoulders, gently pushing her against the wall behind them to shut her up. He looked down, hiding his face from her. There were tears flowing down his face, dropping to his carpet right next to the shattered porcelain,
"Even if you didn't remember anything, I would have blamed myself. I would still hate myself for what happened. And I still do. I still hate myself. For everything."

eunji's p.o.v

"J-Jungwon." I managed to stutter out, but he only distanced himself from me, not once looking back into my eyes.
My breathing grew more and more unstable the more I cried. My chest felt heavy. Just as heavy as my heart felt.
I never wanted this to happen.
I never wanted him to find it out on his own. I wanted to be the one to tell him.

Panic started to make it even harder for me to think clearly.
I wanted to punch myself for not being able to tell him everything and form proper sentences.

"I did everything for you. I loved you. I loved you with my whole being, Eunji."
My eyes widened. Was he trying to tell me that he didn't love me anymore?