ONE MONTH | JAYWON -DISCONTINUED-

« 10 »

Jungwon sometimes ask himself about Jay's new lover.

Does she know him more than he does?.

Does she know how jay hates being kissed on his forehead?, Does she know that his love language is hugging your waist and nose rubs?, Does she know that Jay's first love are planes?, Does she know that his favorite flowers are baby's breath?, Does she knows how jay loves corn?.

He wonders if she takes care of him, is she letting him get hungry, tired?, Does she kiss his cheeks whenever he's mad?,,, cause jungwon knows that's the only thing that can calm jay down.

He said to himself once that nothing hurts more than being inlove with a person who never loved you at all.

It hurts more than being shot with thousands of bullets or being stab a hundred times.

That would feel like being buried deep underground... It's straight to hell.

The pain would be unbearable and it does feel like how he expected.

He's jealous, he hates it. Like how he would call her every single time. He hates it, he wants to beg him to stop

He's there for him so why 'her'?

But then he remembered he has no Rights of begging him.

He has no Rights of telling him to distance himself from his fiance.

Cause jay moved on like how he was supposed to do. But what about him? How could he move on like how jay did if he's still inlove with him?.

Even just for a month, why can't he choose him? Even just for a month why can't jay put away everything and focus on him?.

There's only 19 days left.

He doesn't even know if he's ready for the last day to come. All he knows is jay is here now, he might leave soon but, that will be soon right? He's still here. That's everything he could think of, to make him feel better.

And even if the day comes and jay left him again, atleast the sky will be there, the sky they'll look at will remain the same and that's what's going to connect them, it's either that they'd be looking on the same sky or he would be at the sky with Jay watching him.

It's hard, painful but he needs to be ready, he needs to remain strong, he handled five years but what he ask himself is could he handle more?

All those thoughts came because of how he woke up this day.

He saw the sun shine again. With him holding the curtains a smile plastered on his perfect face.

"Wake up, wouldn't want to waste time" he smiled before offering his hand to help him stand.

To jungwon's view, jay was shining brighter than the sun, dashing as ever. he wonders if he can call him 'mine' once again. could he just remain sleeping? Dreaming about those moments where jay's tangled in his arms, waking up with morning kisses and hugs cause even if it's not reality it would make him happy.

If he could only have a chance to meet Destiny and beg them to make Jay choose him and remain by his side forever, he would have given all he has.

After waking him up, Jay smiled again and told him to wash up and join him for breakfast. He doesn't know what to say but it doesn't matter anymore cause Jay left with a small
'good morning' sliding from his lips eyes were focused on his phone. Closing the door of their used to be bedroom.

Both of them had breakfast together with Jay kept on throwing jokes, he seems to be in a good mood and Jungwon is kinda thankful about it. After lunch both of them went to the mall to buy canvases, paints, brushes, papers, pallets.

Him and Jay both decided to paint for today we'll they couldn't think of anything else anyways.

Both of them also agreed to go to a open field, well painting means having a peaceful atmosphere and that's where they might find it.

Moving on, now both of them were at the field watching how the sun is shining through all the clouds covering him. With the canvas and easel infront of them. Both were thinking what to paint and seems like Jay is already done with that part for he already opened the fresh sealed paint, putting it on his palette a brush resting on the middle of his pinky and ring finger while doing so.

He stared at him, watched how he's focused on his own canvas. His blonde hair is being blowned by the wind while his earrings were dangling making small sounds of metals hitting each other.

While staring, the thought of trying to paint the other crossed his mind, well it's not like he could paint anything else for he's too focused on the specific blonde.

He started everything off with the pencil sketching his husband face before trying to mix up the right blend of color for the skin tone along with the colors for his eyes, that couldn't be missed considering how Jungwon loves it so much.

Meanwhile Jay who's supposed to be busy on his work is staring at the ravenette who has a smile on his face as hes painting on his Canvas. He doesn't even have any idea of what he's thinking but if he only knew, Maybe he himself would broke down to pieces.

In his eyes, Jungwon is brave. Not scared of being judge nor he is scared of someone's words. And with him being with the raven for almost two years he never even saw a single tear drop from his eyes. Not even the day he left, all he saw that time is Jungwon's emotionless face with his fist clenching. Bold of him to think just because he didn't cry means he's not affected, he's not hurt.

Cause as soon as he closed the door, that's when the raven broke down crying all the tears he could let out.

If he only knew what's behind the Raven's close doors, if he only knew what's behind his cheerful smile and sweet words.... If he only knew he himself may not be able to handle it.

"Jay!" Jungwon called as the other looked at him.

"Who are you drawing?" He asked trying to peak.

"It's, her"

"Oh"

'bold of you to think it's you' he mentally scolded himself

"She's pretty" he smiled trying to hide the insecurity he got by just looking at the painting his husband made.

"I Know. how about you, what did you paint?" Asked jay

That's when Jungwon covered his work with his own body.

"it's ugly and I don't want you to see it" he said jokingly chuckling as jay chuckled too.

"Now you got me curious" jay exclaimed as Jungwon shook his head.

"No,No you can't see it" he said playfully glaring at jay who just laughed...

"I hope she'd love this, I'll give it once I see her again" Jay said looking at his painting while jungwon is looking at him, still covering his canvas.
the sadness in his eyes were too painful to see.

"She'd love it!, It's awesome!" He complimented, while jay just gave him a smile.

"Thanks"

'They said in everyday there's new hope, but do you know, it feels like I don't want to wake up anymore cause everytime I open my eyes and saw you with that beautiful smile. It makes me remember how im not the one who's making you happy anymore. I lost hope on you, so I'll just wish you'd be happy and you'd be content, hurting me is enough try not to hurt her like you did to me.... And I wish she'd know how lucky she is to have you. Cause while you and her are happy in each other's arms, I'm here wishing it was me who's beside you'

°°°°°°°°°

I'm sorry for all the mistakes and the corny and boring chapter I'm a bit stressed so I couldn't come up with anything these Days. I just forced myself to update something. I'm so sorry, I wish you guys would understand, please take care of yourselves and be happy.
Please also comment what you think of this chapter cause it will totally help me to improve <3