OURS

𝗍𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗏𝖾

He's been calling me for almost thirty minutes. And I should answer. I know I should. Let him explain.

I can't hear him out right now, though. No matter what he says... I feel like I let myself get my hopes up.

For a second I thought he was mine. That we'd make it out of this little experiment happy and in love, and we almost did. I almost let go and finally let myself go all in. Why don't I know better? I'm an adult. I've been through these things time and time again. Gotten hurt time and time again.

Maybe I just never fully expected that the one person I could always count on would hurt me. Would let me down and make me feel like shit. Like a stupid idiot, blinded by love.

My crying hasn't let up since I got back to my apartment. And I don't try to calm myself. To stop it. Because I want to feel it. To prove that this is real and not all in my head. To remind myself that I'm not invincible and that I was right about things never lasting long enough to fully appreciate them.

I keep hoping that I jumped the gun. That this is all a misunderstanding and that I'm the crazy girlfriend type, but every time the thought comes, I dismiss it. This is happening and my mind isn't going to try to convince me otherwise. Getting my hopes up again is the last thing I need right now.

What I need is a milkshake. Milkshakes make everything better.

I'm still sobbing like a maniac as I bring out the measuring cups and grab the jug of milk in the fridge. My vision is blurred, but I don't give a single shit. I just want my milkshake.

I take out the ice cream and soon, I'm pouring the thick liquid into a mug because all of my cups are dirty. And I refuse to dishes while in crisis. It's quite frankly too dangerous of a task during thinking time.

Taking a long sip, I wait for a brain freeze that never comes. Suddenly I'm reminded of JD from Heathers and I grab my phone. The first thing I see is Carson's name littering my screen and I clear all of the notifications as new ones come in. With a sad sigh, I open one of the texts I've been sent. I don't read anything, though.

Instead, I press buttons until I'm at the page where I can block him. And I scroll to the bottom and do just that.

Then I exit out of the tab, telling Siri to open Spotify because I'm too drained and sad to do it myself. She does and when the screen pops up, I search for the Heathers soundtrack. I play it on shuffle and Freeze Your Brain starts playing. I thank the Lord that I don't have to keep skipping until I got to that song.

"I've been through ten h-high schools, they start to get BLURRY." I hiccup through my sobs, taking another long sip of my milkshake.

I'm halfway through the soundtrack when my phone starts ringing and my door is being knocked on all at once. I don't touch my phone, nor do I get up to answer the door.

Avery Larrson is many things, but plain stupid is not one of them. Plain lazy and upset, yes. Stupid, no.

When my phone stops ringing, I go to the number and block it. I take the last sip of my milkshake, frowning as I turn up the music.