OURS

𝖿𝗂𝗏𝖾

Carson and Sonny went home almost an entire three hours ago by now, but instead of sleeping the way I hoped to, I'm lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling like a dramatic, unsure teenage girl.

And that's exactly what I feel like. A dramatic, hormonal teenager with nothing better to do.

I can't stop fucking thinking. After what Sonny said, I started imagining what it would be like if it were all three of us. Not just me and then Car and Sonny. If we were actually a family. If Carson and I were together, and Sonny wasn't just his, but ours.

It's never crossed my mind like this before. Usually, it came as a "wouldn't it be funny if we were together". Now, though, it's coming on like maybe I like him.

He's a great guy, a great father. Not to mention he's gorgeous. This guy is right in front of me, and he's perfect. I'm lying here like an idiot, though. Thinking about what could be, and not acting on anything.

What if I were to act on it though? This sudden, completely random desire that has never been this strong before. Maybe that's all it is. An urge. A temptation, at best.

I've never exactly been religious, but right now all I can think about is that the fucking devil wants to ruin one of the few good things in my life. If I lose Carson, I lose Sonny. I potentially lose a comfortable workspace and a friend.

I can't. I can't do that to Sonny, and I can't do that to mine and Carson's friendship.

Running my hands down my face, I reach over my nightstand and grab my phone.

Me:
Sonny asleep?
Call me

Car >:]:
Hey
She's knocked out next to me
Can't get up
Let me call u
Just let's be quiet ;)

Me:
Lol ok

Within a couple of seconds, my phone starts ringing in my hand and I smile when I see his name on my phone. My heart beats out of my chest as I answer the call.

"Hey." He whispers, the graveled version of his voice almost shocking me.

"Hi."

It's quiet for a moment and that makes me laugh. We're rarely this quiet and the reason behind our unusual hesitance is suddenly amusing to me instead of nerve-wracking.

"Earlier was awkward wasn't it?" I say, just wanting to get past this so I can talk to my friend again.

He laughs and I can imagine him nodding. "It was unexpected that's for sure."

I hum out another chuckle as I rake a hand through my hair. This is so unlike us, and I kind of love it. Hate it, but love it.

"She's so sweet, huh?"

"She gets it from me."

I snort, shaking my head. "If anything she gets it from me. You're an ass, Carson."

"Do I have to threaten to fire you again?"

"You wouldn't," I say confidently, picking at my nails absentmindedly. "You'd always come crawling back."

For a second, I think that I've ruined the calm between us, but then his breathy voice is back in my ear as he speaks.

"On my hands and fucking knees."

I laugh again even though I don't find it funny. In fact, I'm not amused at all. My body is getting hot, and I just want him to say that one more time.

"You are such a dork."

He hums and we're quiet again, but this time it's a comfortable silence. One I don't care to break. I'm just happy that we acknowledged what happened and it wasn't weird for him.

At least I hope so.

"I can't get over what Sonny said, Ava." He speaks up, making my heart sink. Does it bother him?

"Me neither."

It's the only thing I can think of saying. The only truthful thing with nothing concealed behind it.

"You know, I don't think about what it's like for her not having her mom, 'cause it's just been us for so long. But she calls you that, and it hits me that maybe she feels like she's missing out." He clears his throat and I feel the frown gracing my lips. "It's hell knowing that one day Dad isn't going to be enough for her. She's going to ask questions; I know she will. How do you... How do you ready yourself for that?"

I lean back, looking up at the ceiling like it'll tell me what to say to him.

"Are you ready to talk about Hannah?"

After a moment, he answers with an ever so quiet, "I don't know."

"Car, you can't ever know when you will be. When Sonny will be, either. She's young still, Hon. When she asks, she'll get whatever answer you're ready to give her. Sonny's good with stuff like that-very accepting with what she gets."

"How the hell do you tell your kid their mom didn't want them, Avery?" His voice breaks, and I think my heart does too. I don't know the answer.

"You don't. You tell them that their mom wasn't ready for such a beautiful thing. Such a great, inexplicably life-changing experience. You tell your girl that her mom was a fucking coward, Carson. Someone who led people on only to leave the second things got even a little out of hand."

He shocks when he says, "I wish you were her mom like she thinks you are. Everything would be so much easier if you were."

I smile a little. "I told you guys; I'm whatever you need. If she needs a mom, I'm her girl. You need anything, I'm your girl."

He goes quiet again and for a second, I think he's gone. I hear his breathing though, so I just close my eyes, waiting for him to speak again.

But he doesn't say a single word for several minutes. I think he's fallen asleep, so I move my thumb over the button to hang up.

"I wish you were my girl."

And my thumb slips.